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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

What's Wrong With This Picture?

I can count the number of times I have rented the hotel room porn films on one hand (The other hand is busy right now.) I've no problems admitting I watch porn in general much less at a hotel upon occasion. I mean really, I'm the one who edits the "Real Porn Audio" segments on Podcrapular.

Over the years I have encountered some interesting things with these flicks when seen at a hotel.

Some of the films you get are essentially the same porno tapes you can rent from your local video store.

Some are basically those same porno films (same stars, same scenes) only the "hard core" stuff like the penetration and the "big finish" are all edited out.

Some are movies especially filmed for the soft core set and ultimately end up being shown again on cable networks like Cinemax later on. You get "real actors", nudity, absolutely no chance of being fooled into thinking real sex is happening (the guys are all gay and the women are writhing around on the men's stomachs), and if you're lucky enough to have one with some really bad editing you get to see the flesh-tone pasties covering everyone's naughty bits.

What I found the other night represented a first for me. Since I really haven't bought the hotel porn too many times I find it significant.

This time I decided to splurge on some pay-per-view fun. I chose the film for the same reasons most guys choose their porno of choice. My current favorite-whack-chick-of-the-moment was in the cast.

Upon securing my "secret" rental (The titles don't appear on your bill...but the naughty films are the only ones in that price range. SHHH! Secret!) I took to enjoying the film and was very happy to find out the reason I rented the film was in the first scene.

This was looking like I was about to enjoy the fully uncensored, hard core porno fun (my personal favorite of the hotel or any other porn). Nothing missing here. In fact there was almost TOO MUCH in the unedited category. Extreme closeups, full-on oral & other treats in plain view. How could this be a bad thing? Well all things must come to an end (or at least on one in the porno biz).

A staple in the porn biz is the big finish - the cumshot (more often than not, the facial cumshot). I think most of us here know this to be true. Those who don''ve got a computer. Do some fucking homework (literally!).

After all the positions, the penetration, the dirty talk, the closeups - after all the stuff you normally get to see in the "standard" porno film they edited out the cumshot and simply faded out. No "ta-daa", no big finish, no mess. NO CLOSURE!

This was an incredible concept to me. To leave in all the stuff that makes the film an X-Rated production, but leave out the cumshot? Who "came" up with this one? What bizarre group of porn protesters complained to the Hilton organization enough to get full-on hard core action approved so long as there's no unsightly ejaculate to look at? Is there some strange sect of puritanical porn-watchers that have no fear of seeing an erect cock being sucked and fucked, but somehow feel they're in danger of being "too gay" if they see the splooge? This was outrageous.

What was worse is that they didn't even edit out all the discussion of exactly what was going to happen to the willing lady. Anyone who has watched this sort of thing before knows that there's a lot of unnecessary dialogue illustrating, no, DEMANDING the man to shoot a load somewhere designed to make men happy and women messy. They even chose to edit it in such a way that you had the close up of the open-mouthed woman eagerly awaiting her "prize" (Woo-Hoo) and the guy (or guys) strolling up, jerking away and ready to pop, only to fade to black just as the grand finale was about to take place.

Somebody out there can explain all this to me, right? There simply must be a reason why you can have EVERYTHING else you'd find in a XXX film and somehow leave out the part most people fast-forward to before too long.

Help me!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Tommy Can You Hear Me?

Actually...can anyone hear me? You know those commercials where the guy on a cell phone is always asking, "Can you hear me now?"

That guy obviously never traveled along the toll roads along northern Indiana and into Toledo, Ohio.

It never ceases to amaze me how I can be standing right next to a cell tower and service. I'm really don't try calling. In fact, I've got to get offline soon because this hotel internet service costs me money.

A trip to Packo's and the Toledo Zoo are in my future before I get to see home again. Perhaps you should all listen to the latest Podcast to get some Andy/Golfwidow action.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Heading to Toledo

Been a bit busy here of late. Sorry for no new or "interesting" posts. Of course, have my posts ever been "interesting"? I didn't think so.

Anyway I have a booking in Toledo, Ohio tonight. So I'm off early this morning to drive, spin some plates, sleep, and head home on Wednesday. With a little luck I'll be able to make a stop at Packo's and enjoy some tasty treats.

About all I have left is this...Good for you, Eddie Murphy! I've been waiting for some time for someone to simply leave after his or her category. You didn't win, you watched your costars do well, you left. Why? Because the Oscars are absolutely the worst awards show in the history of television. Why wait around for a few hours AFTER you've realized you came there just in case you won? Good for you, Eddie. I'm sure you weren't expecting to win and were blown away by the nomination in the first place. You did the absolutely right thing. Comedians rarely get any consideration at all from the Oscars and you paid them an equal amount of respect and I'm proud of you.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Bodies, Booby's, Boobies, & a Couple of Boobs

My Older, Wiser Brother and his lovely wife arrived today. We won't get to spend a ton of time together but this being a rare weekend where I have relatively few gigs we will get to enjoy a few bits of fun.

Today I'm heading back to the Museum of Science & Industry for another dose of Body Works 2. My brother read about the exhibit on my blog and both he and his wife have been wanting to see it. So why should they go all alone when they can go with ME, which is like going all alone only with a lot more dick jokes?

However, today we all (Brother, myself, and April) helped bring my sister-in-law into the "real world" by introducing her to the legendary culinary treat that is...The Booby's Steak Sandwich (Several links found within that search link). Hell to the yeah! Life can never be bad when you've got one of those tasty skirt steak delicacies in your tummy.

And speaking of Booby's...Well, more like, "Speaking of BOOBIES"...

I've been lax in my duties of posting fan pics. But how can you blame me when THIS is one of the fan pics I got? Really, you almost have to keep this one to yourself if you're a greedy, needy type like me.

This "set" of photos (and what a set it is) came to me from the Bad Bad Girl blog as well as the MILF Blog. This was in response to some big pimpin' Golfwidow and I did on their behalf during our special "VD Episode" of Podcrapular. I'm always happy to get fan pics. Rae's Secret, also of the MILF Blog posted her own special photo for me, though not necessarily a fan pic (I just choose to believe it to be) on her blog, My Pink Taco.

Naturally, about all I can say is...WOO-HOO! Oh yeah, I can also say thanks!

Lastly, the latest episode of Podcraular is up and running. Should you miss this one I can't even pray for you as your everlasting soul has obviously been claimed by the depths of HELL for not being supportive of our hilarious project. You'd best get right with the world and take a listen.

Busy. Listen to This.

I've been playing "catch up" with some of my actual work & domestic stuff lately.

Go listen to the podcast. This is the last day before the new episode goes "live". You don't want to miss out. OK, you probably do want to miss out, but just listen anyway. It's not like you're doing anything important anyway.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I Saw Dead People

And they were among the most moving and amazing things I've ever seen.

Body Worlds is not only a display of ground-breaking advancement in the field of anatomical study and preservation. It is an artistic expression worthy of placement in the hierarchy of the greatest works of art throughout the ages. It is a celebration of the beauty found under our own skin. It is an exhibit designed to raise your own personal awareness about life. It is as moving and uplifting as any great story, any classic piece of music, and any renowned speech ever made.

I wanted to see the first tour of this exhibit when it came to Chicago in 2005 but sadly, missed out on the opportunity. When I heard a second tour was on the way I was determined not to miss it this time. I'd seen only a few photos before and was fascinated, but hearing the inventor of the Plastination procedure (the preservation technology that makes this brilliant display possible) speaking on a radio interview convinced me that I HAD to see this.

Body Worlds represents one of those benchmark moments in history where you come to the realization that if you miss the chance to witness it for yourself, you indeed have missed out on something that will be historically significant, morally conscious, and socially relevant for generations to come. Moreover, the process itself has revolutionized the study of the human body in such a manner that anyone in the medical fields would owe a debt of gratitude to the creator.

I'll save the explanation of the procedure to the website and the exhibit, but you are witnessing an artistic display of real human bodies. Through the art of Plastination, it is now possible to view anatomical figures in ways never before seen in real life and only conceived in the realm of science fiction movies before. Everything from sliced cross-sections of bodies and selected parts, to specific organs, and all relevant systems found within the human body is elegantly displayed and explained in layman's terms.

You find examples of all major organs in perfect health and in varying degrees of disease. You not only learn about exactly what arthritis, carcinoma, and hardened arteries are & how they develop, but you can see first hand what they look like. I assure you, if you are thinking of going on a diet, quitting smoking, or altering you life in any way to improve your body, this exhibit will do more for you than any commercial or testimonial.

Also represented are numerous examples of artificial body parts and replacements developed over the years. Have you ever wondered what an artificial hip or a replacement jaw bone looks like? All questions will be answered.

This exhibition has everything going for it in my opinion. It is artistic, educational, and entertaining. The presentation of all aspects of the inner workings of the human body are covered and done so in a manner that slowly eases you into the viewing so as not to make the squeamish lose their lunch. By the time you've gotten past the initial realization that you are standing inches away from exposed musculature and organs, you find yourself getting so into the experience that you're practically scanning the room hoping to find the next system or organ for your own education and edification.

Among the things I found most fascinating about this exhibit was that very few displays were covered by any sort of glass or protective barrier. There were tables with organs and delicate systems that featured some casing, but for the most part the full body Plastinate displays were open air, leaving you the opportunity to quite actually get as close to the figure as you wanted. If you wished to stick your head inside an open rib cage to see where everything sits, this is as close as you'll ever come.

Moreover, because these are actual human bodies AND artistic presentations (seriously, they are like statues), noting more than a simple sign reading, "Please Do Not Touch", was needed to keep people from sullying the exhibit. A wonderful combination of reverence for the dead and admiration for a great work of art provided an interactive experience like no other. If you've ever been at a funeral and were somehow disturbed by the sight of a dead body lying in repose, you'll be surprised to see just how much fun you're having at this exhibit as you are staring into the eyes of a man or woman, minus skin and skeletal structure, and looking on with what can only be described as awe.

Here's the kicker. If you really want to touch the Plastinated organs and body parts and can't resist the temptation presented before you, there is an actual touch and learn station within the exhibit. Actual organs and cross-sections of bodies are there for your personal inspection. You can hold a smoker's lung and not only see, but feel the difference between a healthy section and an unhealthy section. You find yourself eagerly wanting to hold a human kidney and liver, inspect a cross-section of thigh muscle and compare your structure to that of the specimen. If you're a person with a wicked sense of humor, my wife, you may want to quote a Monty Python film and ask, "Can I have your liver" just as your friend or in this case, her husband, is holding a liver. The possibilities are endless.

This exhibition is a life-changing experience. It brings about a sense of pride and awareness I've rarely felt before. The admiration for the scientific achievement cannot be denied and the sheer beauty and creativity of the full body specimens is something you'll not forget so long as you live.

I will be seeing a similar exhibit in Las Vegas this April and I am hopeful to see this exact exhibit with my older brother this weekend. It is well worth every penny spent and every second of time. I can't speak highly enough of this remarkable work.

Currently there are exhibits in Dallas and Phoenix here in the States. I've no doubt that there will be more. I'm thinking of donating my body after I pass. What a wonderful way to truly live on after your time.

Monday, February 19, 2007

I See Dead People.

Well, I will be seeing them today. Lots of them.
I'm even paying for the privilege.

I know damn near all of you will think I'm weird and that this is gross, but I don't give a damn. You're not invited anyway. Today, April & I are going to check out the Body Worlds 2 exhibit at the Museum of Science & Industry. Click the links to learn more. I don't want to take too much time explaining it here.

I was so sad that I missed the first exhibit that came through Chicago and I mentioned to April how badly I wanted to go. She is still quite worried that she'll be far too creeped out by it, but has agreed to go with me because I so very much want to see this amazing presentation.

We're also going to see a different exhibit of them in Las Vegas this April. My wife rocks!

I'm so looking forward to this! A full report will be around later this week.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Louie Louie Meets the Comic World

Arguably the coolest blog post ever written. Check it out. While you're there, think about sending Eric a few bucks to finish his documentary. You'll be glad you did.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

God, Inc. Episode 6

The final installment and one of the funniest.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Wanna Hear What I Sound Like When I'm Sick?

Answer: Damn funny.

Check out the latest Podcrapular and see how the funny doesn't stop even when Golfwidow & I are not well.

Some would contend we're not well all the time, or is that "not right"? Anyway, listen to the show and tell other people to listen to the show. I'm about ready to shit-can the whole project because of lack of interest from the real world.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I Know I've Been Sick...

I know that I haven't even touched a dart in about two weeks and can't expect miracles. That being said, I'm really starting to hate playing in this dart league. I am almost 37 years old. I have no need to compete with anyone nor do I have a need to play worse than my actual skill level and look like an idiot in front of other people.

I have no problems with losing, especially when I am actually beaten by a better player or in a good match. When I lose a match simply because I suck, I quickly realize I have nothing to learn and nothing to gain by making a fool of myself for no reason.

I thought I'd make friends. I'm not really doing that. I am meeting people, but I really doubt there will be any lasting friendships here.

I thought it would be good to do something social and interactive. I was wrong. About all I'm doing is spending more money on beer and getting fat in the process.

I thought it would be good to put myself in some humbling situations and try to take my game to a higher level by challenging myself. So far, I have no reason to believe I was even in y right mind when I came up with such an asinine concept. What do you learn by making a fool of yourself often? You learn that you don't like looking foolish. I could have come to that conclusion myself. in fact I am certain I figured that one out when I was about 3 years old.

Maybe I need sleep. Maybe I need to stop thinking about it so much. Maybe I need to practice more when I am feeling better. Maybe I need to stop being so hard on myself and maybe I am the one putting pressure on these friendly games. The again, maybe I learned all my lessons about competition a long time ago when I stopped playing organized sports and chose a profession that provides me with all the pressure, competition, and humiliation one man can stand.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Low Rent

One of the residual effects of our apartment building turning into a low income housing facility is the asinine behavior of the tenants.

Among the things that upsets me about Chicago in the winter is the fact that people suddenly feel entitled to a public piece of land (the street) simply because they have taken the time to shovel out their car from a snow storm. It's INSANE! People will actually go out to where their car is parked, on a public city street, dig out their car, and THEN take chairs, and other items from their home to reserve the space once occupied by their car, "saving" the space for when they return from work or wherever. people have actually gotten into fights and gone to the hospital defending their real estate, which isn't even theirs, simply because some idiot feels entitled to the space now that he's done the work to remove the snow.

Personally I believe all these people should be shot like dogs, but only after they have watched ME remove their chairs and other junk and parked my car in their space.

The city streets are public property. They have no right to keep their parking space, a chunk of street that is not designated as their spot nor is it issued a permit stating so. People may pay taxes which allow them free use of that public street, but they do not pay rent on that exact space. These people are assholes and they all should just suck it up, shovel their fucking snow and go to work. It is the savage behavior of low class people. If they wanted a guaranteed parking space, they'd have moved to the suburbs or to a location with a fucking garage. Instead, they feel entitled to the city streets.

Here are some of the things they don't realize.

  • If they all just get their cars out in a timely manner, the streets & sanitation folks will be able to adequately remove the snow from their street much sooner.
  • Putting your personal belongings onto the public streets is littering, a ticketing offense which COULD incur a hefty fine if the police felt like enforcing it at all.
  • Those place-holders, the personal items now placed upon the public streets, are also considered to be abandoned goods and are available to the public should anyone want to take that crap for themselves.. Sure it is usually useless crap like a busted lawn chair, but really...Why the fuck are you keeping that in the first place? You deserve not only to lose your parking space, but your special MAGIC LAWN CHAIR as well. I used to go around the city with a friend of mine who owned a pickup truck and gather all the discarded chairs and sold off the stuff to junk yards and in garage sales.
What does this have to do with me? I live in the suburbs in an apartment complex with AMPLE parking. Really, I've NEVER had a problem finding a place to park because there are probably about 200 more spaces than there are apartments. Well, today I almost shit myself.

Some ASSHOLE, some dickless piece of low-rent shit, shoveled out his car (and did a very poor job of it I might add) and left a piece of trash in place of the spot, hoping to mark his territory. Now he can't be that low rent, the garbage he chose was the outer shell of a personal computer, so he must have had a few bucks at some point. But there it was, sitting among the MANY available spaces and the ones awaiting the snow plow.

WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT! There are enough spaces for EVERY apartment dweller, even if you have two cars or more and HE, likely some Chicago transfer piece of shit, felt it necessary to try and claim a spot he needn't have claimed.

I know I have a lot of work to do in the apartment hunt and that I can't really move until May or June, but I can't fucking wait to get the fuck out of this place. It's turning into something I've never truly seen before. It's becoming a middle class ghetto. Can you imagine a place named "Carol Stream", a place that is certainly more affluent than it is suffering, becoming a ghetto? Well come on out to see our once lovely apartment complex (they are making all sorts of pre-ghetto improvements). You'll get to see what the low rent district is like in one of the nicest towns I've ever known.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The Three Definitive Statements About Valentine's Day

You'll have no need for any other commentary about this wretched day other than...

This funny image (click to enlarge and read in full)...

Click here to get your own player.

...The Special VD Episode of Podcrapular...

...And My Column, "The Folly of Valentine's Day"
(Reprinted Below for Your Enjoyment)

The Folly of Valentine’s Day

I won’t lie to you. I am not the best husband in the world. I am not the greatest guy around. I am extremely selfish and flawed.

I try very hard to be a better man both for myself and for my wife. Some days are better than others, but for the most part I am an alright person.

When February rolls around I am reminded of how good I have it when it comes to my wife, April. Don’t get me wrong, she is not perfect either, but she makes a few things extremely more comfortable for me. These things tend make me the envy of many a man.

Long before we were married I was informed that if I EVER wanted to flat-out lose my lady love, all I had to do was acknowledge the most awful of fake holidays, Valentine’s Day.

I am simply not allowed to buy a present for her on that day. No velvet boxes, no pretty jewelry, not a single piece of chocolate, not one cuddly stuffed animal, not even a card imprinted with some corporation’s verbalization of how I love my wife is allowed to be brought into our home. THIS, is one cool lady and one easy to follow policy!

I know what the men are thinking. Those not hoping I’m getting a divorce or wondering if April has a single sister are convinced this is part of some “woman trick”.

Men have fallen victims to these sorts of ploys before. We get TOLD that we’re not expected to “do anything special” for Valentine’s Day. When we do NOTHING we end up sleeping alone in the garage for a week. Sometimes we do SOMETHING, just not “something special,” and we get the mildly hurt expression and the, “That’s OK. I love it…really,” response. We all know that response means we failed the test. Believe me, guys, I have been there. I feel your pain.

I thought I was being set up for failure the first time April and I approached a Valentine’s Day. I was pretty sure she meant what she said, but a big part of me was panicking inside. I humored thoughts of having a go-to safety gift waiting in the wings, JUST IN CASE! If it was indeed true that Valentine’s Day meant nothing to her I could save the gift for a birthday, an anniversary, or better yet, the “no particular occasion gift”. Those gifts always score big points! If the no Valentine’s gift concept was all a clever plot to trap me I’d have a great, “A-HA!” moment and save the day with a pretty package. Instead, I did nothing. I had no present-parachute to save my life. As luck would have it, I survived the day.

April truly hates Valentine’s Day and all it represents. This is a girl that otherwise LOVES presents, chocolates, and gifts of all kinds. Associate any of those things with Valentine’s Day and she will have nothing to do with them.

All men hate Valentine’s Day and the unnecessary pressure put upon us to perform properly. If you are neither dating nor married, you hate it because of the awful implied loser image associated with being “alone.”

Being with April has been a real eye-opening experience for me.
She first put this concept into my head and in the years since we’ve been together a genuinely nice theory has emerged.

Why not love your significant other every day of the year?

Why put so much importance on one single day? We already have Christmas, Hanukkah, birthdays & anniversaries to show affection and appreciation and buy gifts. There are special days for mothers, fathers, and grandparents. Even secretaries & bosses get singled out for extra love on certain days. If the greeting card people could market a “Best Friends Day” or a “Wonderful Pets Day” I’m sure they’d do it.

Excluding religious holidays, any of these non-holidays could be removed from our calendars and replaced with 364 more days of general appreciation.

While my wife and I may not always LIKE each other, we LOVE each other every day of the year. We don’t need a cold day in February filled with pink cards and roses to remind us of that. There are plenty of times we surprise each other with little gifts or go to dinner just to be together.

Why trouble ourselves with impossible dinner reservations on February 14th when we can eat the same meal on May 14th? Think about it, wouldn’t YOU like to have some fun May 14th? Nothing ever happens on May 14th, why not make that a special day?

Pick any day other than Valentine’s Day and have some fun. They sell greeting cards & gifts year-round, so go for it!

Single? Great! Make November 29th “Single People RULE Day” and give the bars and night clubs a reason to jump start the holiday season. Invite all your single friends and give each other cool gifts and cards. Put photos of your married friends and their kids in the cards and point out how tired and depressed the married folks look. Tell them the pictures were taken on Valentine’s Day to make the moment sweeter.

The possibilities are endless once you free yourself from the bonds of a useless and meaningless holiday like Valentine’s Day!

Of course, I know I am the exception to the rule. My wife is special. When we got engaged she didn’t want a diamond ring. She HATES diamonds. When we got married she chose to wear her GARNET engagement ring I bought her. In fact, she didn’t insist I wear a wedding ring at all! SHE knows I’m married to her.

I’ve been told if I ever wanted a wedding ring, she’d buy one for me. I may just go ahead and push the envelope and ask for one with a diamond inside. I think I’ll ask for one this Sweetest Day and see what happens.

Monday, February 12, 2007

The Harsh Reality

I'll never get to do anything as cool as being cast as the Doctor in Doctor Who. I'll never even be in an episode or get to be on set with the TARDIS set.

The likelihood of achieving any of the lofty entertainment goals I had over 20 years ago is pretty damn low.

Kind of sucks to not even be 40 yet and see nothing but people younger than you already doing much better. Even worse is knowing that most of it is largely my fault.

Still and all, I've got a Blue & Gold Dinner and at least one retirement community to perform for this week. I can almost afford more antibiotics!

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Getting Better, But Too Busy to Post

Slowly approaching a level of normal. Been doing shows and getting completely drained all over again. Still sick. Still full of symptoms. That being said, I've got a lot of crap I HAVE to do before the business falls apart, the house is condemned, and the bill collectors come find me.

So, please take a listen to this week's very funny "VD Episode" of Podcrapular. It is a great way to pass the time and have a laugh.

Also, head on over to The MILF Blog (Adults Only!) and get some great sex toy reviews, gratuitous photos of penises, and a big ole plug for the aforementioned podcast.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Prescription Perspective

Not that I'm complaining, because it is helping me recover and all...But if one of your symptoms is an excruciatingly painful sore throat, the kind that hurts like hell when you swallow...

Does it make sense to prescribe a pill that hurts just to look at it, much less try to swallow it? The salt pellets you put into a water softener are smaller than this one and I have to take these babies twice a day.

It will be worth it if I ever get back to 100%. Right now...not even close! As I've been telling all the nice people who've been kind enough to check in on me (thanks, by the way), I'm feeling better, but I'm far from "better".

Friday, February 09, 2007


I've been quite actually on my ass or back for several days now. While I'm more active and certainly feeling "better" than I have been since coming down with this illness, I'm not really remotely close to feeling 100% myself again. I've got a 10 day supply of these high potency antibiotics and I know it is going to take every second of all ten of those days, which is unfortunate, but necessary.

I just hope I'm a bit more myself on Sunday, where I have a 45-minute show and a $450.00 check waiting for me. I've already had to cancel one booking this week, costing me $300.00 all because I doubt I'll be able to catch my breath well enough to sing some Blues Brothers songs. I do have to perform a couple of shows otherwise that paid in advance so I will give it the old college try, even though the money for these gigs has long been spent.

I also had to cancel my darts league this past Thursday. No big money loss. Just no fun for me.

On the plus side I can sleep though the night with limited interruptions for hacking coughs, medicine administration, or general pain. Yay sleep.

Keeping all this in mind, you really should check out the special "VD Episode" of Podcrapular, recorded long before I managed to get saddled with three different infections. I'm hopeful to get out and visit the other blogs out there this week and say HI. Until then, enjoy the show and thanks for all the well wishes.

Thursday, February 08, 2007


Sinus infection


Ear infection


Bronchial infection


$107.99 worth of antibiotics & a $65.00 doctor's visit.

Good thing I've got a few gigs this weekend. Otherwise I couldn't afford to be sick. Oh wait, I can't afford to be sick. No insurance. No money. No hope. least I've got my health...


Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I Lived Through the Show...

...But will I live through the night?

I doubt it.

I'm heading to my doctor's office today, whether he can take me in or not. Why? because I'm dying and I've got gigs this weekend that require me to be very much alive.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

How the Hell Am I Going to Be Entertaining Like This?

Sure I may LOOK funny,
but after that, there's not much I can do.

I've got a gig today and I'm sick as a dog. Stuffed up, runny nose, swollen glands, slight cough, lots of sneezing, occasional fever, and no matter how many over-the-counter medications I'm taking (and there are MANY) I can't seem to get my eyes to stop watering long enough for me to get a few hours of sleep.

I sincerely hope I can keep it together long enough to make the drive, do the gig, and come home. Otherwise, this will be my last post as I'll probably be dead by afternoon. Don't you wish you'd bothered to listen to the podcast or tell your friends about it now?

Monday, February 05, 2007

I Hab a Code

So leeb me adone. You arnt reading eddyway.

You should lissen to the podcast, like I'b been aking you to so nicely for sodongnow.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Things to Do Today

Seriously, are you really thinking about watching the Super Bowl? Good LORD! Whatever.

Anyway, there are alternatives to the championship game for the most senseless and awful of sports. Here are the two most important choices so far as I see things.

If you MUST watch some aggressive behavior inside a stadium, I can't help but think your time would be better spent watching PUPPY BOWL III on Animal Planet. Been watching this the last two years and they've never let me down. Much more fun to watch and infinitely smarter than the Super Bowl. Really.

Of course, the best thing to occupy your time is to listen to the newest Podcrapular show. This week we read some of the "Play with Our Pussy (Joke)" segment submissions from various listeners. Funny stuff. Tune in to hear what the heck I'm talking about.

Me? I'll be in Mt. Horeb tasting mustards and ignoring all but the last 15 seconds of the Super Bowl (That's really all you need to watch).

Friday, February 02, 2007

Me Gonna Be Sleepy

I usually make these posts ahead of time and post them right before I go to bed. Sometimes they run a few hours earlier than the day they are listed.

This one is going up very early because I'll be heading out to the University of Illinois at Chicago for a booking that runs from 9:30 PM to 1:30 AM. I'm always thankful and happy for the work, but this one is going to be long and I'll be very tired by the time I get home (around 2:15-2:30 AM).

I'm not sure what kind of party is going on there at those hours that would require a juggler. All I know is that I could really use the money.

I plan on sleeping most of Saturday and then I'll be out of the house likely until Monday morning. Sunday brings us back in Mt. Horeb for round two of the mustard tasting & judging. We'll also be spending the night with our friends, Barry & Patti Levenson, the Mustard Museum owners.

I should be able to get a post up for Sunday, but Monday may be late. Of course, sine you're probably not reading anyway (Super Bowl, Puppy Bowl III, whatever) I won't worry about losing my audience.

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Watch This!

Maybe my favorite one yet. Not quite sure.