Condiment day at the Martellos

Technically, condiment day was a few weeks back when we got a helluvalotta mustards sent to us from the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. Of course, since I've not bee blogging as much as I should, you never heard about that great day. So...

Today we received another "booster pack" from the Mustard Museum. I ordered a three pack of the single greatest authentic Dijon ever made, Temeraire Authentic Dijon. What can I say? They had a great sale going on. We've got to help out a troubled economy somehow, right?

Seriously, if you haven't tried any of this glorious mustard yet, you are depriving yourself one of life's greatest treasures. I can eat this right out of the jar. No sandwiches, no salads, straight from the jar. IT IS THAT GOOD!

Also waiting on our doorstep is something I've been wanting to get for myself for some time but chose not to indulge for MANY monetary reasons. Until now.


Ladies and gentlemen, I am the proud owner of two 5oz bottles of, Tabasco brand Garlic Pepper Sauce. I discovered this in Vegas at Harrie's Bagelmania, and I've been bitter about the fact I cannot find it in ANY of our local stores ever since.

Many know I am not a big fan of hot sauces. Generally, the folks who go nuts for hot sauces do so because they have tiny little pieces of manhood in their pants and feel eating things that make their eyes water and their urine burn will help. What they forget is that flavor is the key. Hot can be great. No flavor? No need for hot.

While many don't consider the original Tabasco to be that hot, it is my favorite hot sauce. Three simple ingredients, loads of flavor, and a lot of kick. Perfect.

The Garlic Pepper Sauce is much milder than the original and uses three different kinds of peppers as well as a wonderful amount of garlic. The result is, in my opinion, perfection IMPROVED ( I know...I see the literal contradiction. Leave me alone). This sauce is truly everything anyone with any taste would want in a hot sauce. I'm amazed I waited this long to give myself the present.

That being said, I won't be waiting much longer to get the fixins for one of my killer Bloody Marys. I generally use a VERY hot and VERY flavorful sauce, Pain is Good, for these, but now I can have this on hand for when I don't want my lips to burn, but rather eagerly head back for more tasty drink.

Vote for the Mustard Museum

From Barry Levenson, Curator, Mount Horeb Mustard Museum.

WE NEED YOUR HELP. VOTE FOR THE MUSTARD MUSEUM!

Vote early and vote often! The Ketchup Kartel is planing another of its infamous dirty tricks campaigns to sabotage the vote. But we can show the real power of mustard and win this crucial vote. The Mount Horeb Mustard Museum was recently named a top-ten finalist for one of two $25,000 Markham Vineyard Mark of Distinction grants. The program recognizes individuals and organizations that have contributed to their respective communities and can use financial help to do even more.

This grant would be a tremendous opportunity to bring even more excitement to the Mustard Museum with new displays, exhibits, and interactive programs.

The two winners are determined by online voting at the official web site: www.markhammarkofdistinction .com. Visitors to the web site can cast one vote per day through July 21. Mustard lovers everywhere can make a big difference by casting daily ballots for America?s favorite condiment museum, the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum.

Please visit the Markham Mark of Distinction Website. Vote every day if you'd be so kind. Should they win this grant, there may be a much better chance for me to return to the Museum this year and entertain. ;)

Wisconsin Loves Andy Martello!

Hot off the heels of my appearance on Milwaukee Public Television's,
"Samson: Then & Now" (be sure to watch the replay on December 8th at 3:30 PM), I found out I was featured prominently in the current catalog for the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum.

Check out this killer photo, taken during the 2007 Mustard Fest!

I know I've mentioned many time how much I love Barry, Patti, and the Mustard Museum. It is long past the time you started loving them too. Head on over to their website and do a little shopping. At the very least you should request a catalog so you can keep your Andy Martello collection up to date.

This marks the second time I have been featured in the catalog and I can't be happier.

I've even won a Golden Mustard Award!

Every time I see the images I get a smile on my face. I think about how much fun I have every year at the Mustard Fest and I look forward to the next one.

I also can't stop thinking about all the fantastic meals I've created with their endless supply of mustards!

There's a new Podcrapular Lite up and running. this one features myself and Golfwidow. If you ain't gonna get yerself any mustard, then listen in!

Thank-FULL!

Click the photos for larger, MOUTH-WATERING images.

This marked our first Thanksgiving in Las Vegas as well as the first Thanksgiving April and I have not spent with family since being together. Naturally we wanted to do something to cope with the absence of family and also the lack of food. So we decided to make our own traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

We are both excellent cooks but neither of us has ever made a turkey before. Sure we've helped out at various holiday meals and such, but making a T-Day dinner from start to finish? Hell NO!

Undaunted, April went out and bought us one fine turkey. A 13 1/2 pounder to be exact. We planned on a much smaller bird, but the sale price was so good (about $5.30 for the damn thing) the one she got was the smallest one available. What the hell, right?

Anyway, we made stuffing from scratch, baked potatoes, cooked some yams (canned - she likes those better), had a ham steak, and bought a killer pumpkin cream pie for dessert. The turkey, our first attempt turned out...AWESOME!

What's the big deal with cooking a turkey, people? Follow the damn instructions, don't waste lots of valuable heat by opening the damn oven every 20 minutes, and don't spend a minute worrying about basting a damn thing. Get a good meat thermometer and have a thawed turkey ready to go and you're...well, ready to go.

Of course, we made a FEW improvements upon the standard turkey. Can you guess what we did? Why bother? I'm gonna tell you anyway.

Under the skin, above the breast meat, I placed a layer of Raye's Fall Harvest Mustard, a wonderfully tasty mustard we bought for just this occasion.

See, this mustard has loads of whole mustard seeds and chopped cranberries in it, along with other fall spices and it was seemingly made for Thanksgiving. Trapping all of those tasty seeds and cranberries under the skin made for a great topper for the bird.

Our flavor enhancements didn't stop there.

I also diluted a bit of Mumm's Champagne Mustard with water and used a flavor injector to fill up the breast meat, the legs, the thighs, and the underside of the bird. I did this same treatment with some chicken stock as well, since we had a bit of it left from our stuffing recipe. This bird looked like it had been to the doctor for some botox before it went into the oven.

A little coating of olive & soy bean oil and a few dashes of pepper, lemon & dill made for a crackling skin surrounding one JUICY and flavorful turkey.

BOOYAH!

By the way, both of those fantastic mustards are available at the world famous Mount Horeb Mustard Museum! Go there and spend a ton of dough this holiday season. I gave mustards away to most everyone last year and they're all very happy with the presents they received!

Leaving Las Vegas

Tonight I head back to the Chicago area for one last round of gigs. I will continue to take work in the Midwest and nationwide just as I have for all these years, but after this next little stint out there I'll be a more permanent resident of Las Vegas.

I do have a trip to Chicago scheduled for August 22 though. There's a Blues Brothers gig that the client is more than willing to fly me out for so that's all good. If I gather some more work for that weekend I'll be out there for a few days.



In any event, the plan for now is that I'll be driving back to Las Vegas starting on August 5th. A good friend of mine, Kurt, will be driving with me. He's been in need of a vacation and a long road trip seems to be right up his alley.

Among the bookings I'll be working this trip is the National Mustard Day celebration, hosted by the fine folks at the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum. I always have a fun time out there and April has already compiled a list of mustards for me to sample and mustards to reorder. See, I work this festival and I trade services for goods. I stroll for a few hours and do a show, they pay me in far too many delicious mustards and food items. Nice!


We've become great friends with Barry & Patti, who own the Museum. April even made them a cross-stitch of their sign for the holidays last year. It is proudly on display in the Museum.

I already miss this place. The place has some great features. A huge kitchen that April has decorated with lots of our "kitschy" (formerly "useless") collectibles is one of the highlights for me. We have a rather large master bedroom and bathroom which is all festooned in PENGUINS! (Heh!). We recently purchased a lovely small table and chairs for our dining area. We even use it for dining and not for tossing crap.



I'll also miss being here. Even though I have no real employment to speak of, I have a great sense of calm from the experience. I know this is the right place for us. I love the mountains and the desert. I enjoy the people and the abundance of shops and services. This is our home now and I know we'll make it work somehow.

Me Gonna Be Sleepy

I usually make these posts ahead of time and post them right before I go to bed. Sometimes they run a few hours earlier than the day they are listed.

This one is going up very early because I'll be heading out to the University of Illinois at Chicago for a booking that runs from 9:30 PM to 1:30 AM. I'm always thankful and happy for the work, but this one is going to be long and I'll be very tired by the time I get home (around 2:15-2:30 AM).

I'm not sure what kind of party is going on there at those hours that would require a juggler. All I know is that I could really use the money.

I plan on sleeping most of Saturday and then I'll be out of the house likely until Monday morning. Sunday brings us back in Mt. Horeb for round two of the mustard tasting & judging. We'll also be spending the night with our friends, Barry & Patti Levenson, the Mustard Museum owners.

I should be able to get a post up for Sunday, but Monday may be late. Of course, sine you're probably not reading anyway (Super Bowl, Puppy Bowl III, whatever) I won't worry about losing my audience.

Mustard Now, Mustard Later

We must have tried about 75 different mustards, barbecue sauces, glazes, and marinades yesterday. Fantastic fun! Next week, we do it again. Some time in March the winners will be announced. This is a world-wide competition and the tasters at the Mustard Museum are the people deciding the fates of around 350 competitors. Very cool.

Until then, you should get some mustards for yourself. Those of you who say you don't like mustard, clearly have never had any mustard outside of the basic yellow, the basic brown, MAYBE something coarse ground, and maybe some Grey Poupon (because you heard it was the best). Check out the variety offered at the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum and I guarantee you'd find several things suitable to your palate.

That being said, why haven't you listened to Podcrapular yet? Didn't I tell you about this already? ZEESH!

Put our podcast on your own website or blog. You don't seem to be willing to listen, you may as well ask others to do it for you.

Big Silly Fun for Us Today!

We are both off to one of our all-time favorite places on Earth, the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum. WHY? We've been selected as judges in the Napa Valley Mustard Festival!

That means, we will be among the many folks from around the country to help decide this year's award-winning mustards. Lord knows how this will all work and what mustard will ultimately win the Grand Champion Mustard this year. All I know is that April and I are happy to be able to do two different days worth of fun, friendship, and mustard-tasting!

Bet You've Never Won a "Golden Mustard Award"

Click on the Pic for a Larger Image

Thanks to Golfwidow, who never misses ANYTHING important in the world, I was made aware of my recent award from the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. You can read all about this as well as get caught up on all the mustard news that's fit to print by reading the December issue of their newsletter. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter. That way, you'll always keep abreast (or some other body part) of all the mustardy goodness in the world.

I'd like to thank April for all her support, Golfwidow for the heads-up (I don't subscribe to the newsletter because I suck), Poupon University, Col. Mustard who told me about this in the Billiard Parlor...

Click here to get your own player.

Speaking of Golfwidow, our latest, longest, and possibly most hilarious podcast is up right now. Ummm...it's kind of offensive if you don't like intelligent people using potty mouths. To me it's just damn funny. It is a bit longer than we usually record because we were having that much fun.

We also give a few shout-outs to some fellow bloggers such as Kim & Jade, and possibly a few others. I guess you'll just have to listen to know if we're using our potty mouths to talk about YOU.

Ten Things Tuesday: Favorite Mustards from the Mustard Museum (So far)

All of these are available for purchase at the world famous Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum. I recommend you check them out right away.

• Slimm & Nunne, Sweet & Nicely Hot Mustard (Try it on vanilla ice cream! YUMMMM!)
  
• Temeraire Authentic Dijon (My current favorite, get the 30 oz size. Trust me!)
• Brickstone Old Fashioned Maple Dijon
• Fox Hollow Farm Sweet & Spicy Balsamic Garlic Mustard
  
• Mucky Duck Original Sweet & Tangy Pub Mustard (or Mucky Duck Honey & Hot Mustard )
  
• Aunty Lilikoi's Passion Fruit Wasabi Mustard (Among the best things anyone could ever eat!)
• Grapevine Toasted Onion & Souvinon Blanc Mustard
• AJ's Walla Walla Sweet Onion Mustard (or the Walla Walla with Bacon...or the Walla Walla with Red Bell Peppers)
• Nunda's Cajun Onion Mustard (HELL YEAH!)
• Singing Pig Wine Garlic Mustard

OK, I actually listed 13 mustards there. Consider it a bonus or something. Besides, I could list MANY more if I wanted to. Perhaps another list will be made down the road. I've only got about 20 more jars in the cabinet just waiting to be opened!

Oh I Wish...

Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener.
That is what I'd truly like to be.
Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener,
Everyone would be in love with me.

Just a little bit more of the fun I had a short while ago at the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum. If either of my two Jingles get selected for the finals, you can vote online for your favorite. ;)

My Bologna Has a First Name...

My bologna has a first name.
It's O-S-C-A-R.
My bologna has a second name.
It's M-A-Y-E-R.
Oh, I love to eat it every day,
And if you ask me, "Why?" I'll say,
"'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A"

How's that?

Remember when I was at the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum & National Mustard Day a short time ago? Well among the fun to be had there was the presence of the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.

They're there every year, but this year in particular they are having a Sing the Jingle contest. You can sing the Oscar Mayer Bologna song and/or the Oscar Mayer Wiener song for a chance to be in a commercial and make a few bucks.

I have no delusions of winning a darned thing, but I do take great pride in my work, silly as it may be. Moreover, I'm tickled pink to know that you can download your auditions at the Oscar Mayer site and do whatever you want with them. A great promotional idea on their part as I suspect many folks will be adding these to their blogs and providing loads of free advertising. I am happy to play along, if only to entertain you and provide two more days worth of content.

Today is the Day

My return visit to the happiest place on Earth, the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. I'm performing at the National Mustard Day Festival and as per usual, I couldn't be more excited!

I may even enter the Oscar Mayer Sing a Jingle contest. I'll keep you posted.

If all goes well I'll also get to spend a little time with an old Clown College buddy who's working in Baraboo this summer. For now, I'm happy that I'll be bringing home many jars of tasty mustard!

Random Notes

Thanks to Gordon for plugging my services. He's one of the good ones and I thank him from the heart of my bottom, or something like that.

May God bless and keep Helen Thomas with us forever and ever.

I'll be at the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum performing at National Mustard Day again this August 5, 2006. Please someone come visit me so I can feel like a big shot entertainer.

My Ramshorn Snail died last night of mysterious circumstances. This is only a few weeks after the untimely death of my Ivory Snail. Anyone having any information pertaining to the demise of these beloved pets should contact me immediately. I offer no reward as these things die frequently and cost a couple bucks each, but I need to grieve somehow and this seemed the most appropriate way.

Ray Meyer died this week. I met him and his son, Joey, at an event at what was then known as Ditka's Trackside at Arlington Park Race Track. I'd love to turn this into a Random Celebrity Memory type story, but I have no real story other than to say I met him and liked him very much. Both he and his son were very polite and friendly guys.

I DO have a photo of me with then Chicago Mayor Eugene Sawyer taken at that same event. So in lieu of any really cool Coach Ray Meyer anecdotes I'll share the Mayor Eugene Sawyer photo.

I have an appointment with my accountant tomorrow. Gotta file my taxes. Pray for me, if that sort of thing works for you. I'm already depressed enough about the way my finances are going this year, I am dreading the news tomorrow. Even though my taxes are generally no big whoop, I have nothing but dread for my life.

Thursday April and I will be seeing Queen + Paul Rodgers. I don't give two shits if you think that there is no such thing as Queen with another lead singer, Paul Rodgers is a PERFECT choice to front this legendary band on many different levels and we both can't be happier to know we're going to see a great band playing great songs, and being fronted by a great lead singer. We saw Rodgers a few years back doing a solo show at Taste of Chicago and this guy is every bit the rock god as anyone you've ever seen.

I'm quite sure the other random thoughts running through my head are quite torrid and not appropriate for this audience. So I'll stop now.

As if You Needed One More Reason to Love the Mustard Museum!

While placing my gift order for my brother-in-law, it was brought to my attention that I am featured prominently in the current Mustard Museum catalog. Somehow my issue got lost in the mail (have to justify the January postage hike I guess) and I was completely unaware of this fact. Barry & Patti Levinson (owners) being such great people, rectified the situation by sending me many catalogs for my enjoyment and my files. Lo and behold, I am on page 8 of the catalog juggling three bottles of French's Mustard.

Naturally I am as giddy as can be! I had a great time working the National Mustard Day festival this year and the MANY jars of mustard and other gifts bestowed upon me was more than enough to tickle my fancy. Getting a little extra boost in their catalog is that much better!

In the scan above you can see the way cool Mustard Museum Scrubs being modeled by Barry Levinson. Didn't I tell you those things are freakin' cool! I have my very own set of those and they accompany me often on road trips. You should really consider picking up some for yourselves.

I bring this to your attention for a few reasons.

1. First of all, if you are among the few silly Andy Martello collectors out there (Jade!), you should definitely request a catalog from the Mustard Museum.
2. Next, you will have to take note of the many delicious condiments available for purchase through the Museum and consider placing an order. I promise you'll find something you'll love.
3. This is very important. If you are one of those frustrated writers (aren't all bloggers frustrated writers?) you absolutely have to check out the Mustard Mystery Contest. You could win $5,000.00 for writing the next chapter in the story, "Murder at the Mustard Museum". I don't know about you, but I could use $5,000.00 and I plan on entering (I am eligible, ya know.). I highly recommend you do the same.

Hogs Are Flying to Michigan!

I know you're not supposed to "spoil" a holiday gift by talking about it before the big day. However, since this gift was delivered today at my brother's home in Marquette, Michigan and could actually "spoil" were he not smart enough to open the package, I know there's no big deal in discussing this gift. Besides, if you're REALLY hurting for a good last-minute gift idea, then you should consider these guys!

I may have mentioned before how much fun Memphis, Tennessee is to visit. There's also a good chance that if you're in Memphis and you don't head downtown and get yourself some ribs from the Rendezvous, then you are doing your palate a truly unforgivable disservice. These things are among the tastiest treats on Earth and they will send their ribs, sauces, and pork shoulders just about anywhere in the world.

I was trying to find a good gift for my brother and his family and rather than hunt for that perfect gift for every individual in the group, I took the easy way out and decided to get one gift everyone would enjoy. As it happens, you place an order today and it is on the doorstep tomorrow. Think of it, perfectly cooked ribs, eagerly awaiting your best time to re-heat and eat.

April and I have been thinking of ordering these for ourselves since we miss those damn ribs so much, but decided to test the ordering & shipping processes on my brother first. The funny thing is, being a regular reader of my blog, he was certain I was going to send him a selection of mustards from the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum. Silly man. I sent those to my brother-in-law!

Last Minute Gift Ideas

Let's face it. You're way behind on your holiday shopping. How do I know this? You're one of those lazy mofos that spends all sorts of time online reading blogs. Caught ya, didn't I?



Anyway, here are a few fine gift ideas for you to consider. Wait - Screw that! Don't "consider" a damn thing. BUY something, dammit!

OK, now that I have your attention, let me direct you to some of the most beautiful handmade craft items on the planet. Our House Crafts. Based in Winter, Wisconsin, Our House has been providing wonderful and original craft items for over 15 years. Check out these painted jars and glass items. You'll never find more delicate brush strokes anywhere else in the craft world (The scans don't do the artwork justice in some cases).

Our House has started more trends in the craft world than most crafters have followed. Many of the items you find at craft stores today are pale imitations to the iron-clad unique creations found at Our House.

Aside from painted glass, you'll find beautiful original designs on antique furniture, drift wood sculptures, wreaths, and more. They even offer screen printing and embroidery services for businesses and customers of all shapes and sizes.

Check out their new online store and find something to cherish for a lifetime. While you're visiting and placing an order, be sure to say, "Hi!" to Lisa and Randy, the owners. Lisa is my sister and Randy is her husband. Aren't I the best brother ever?

Do you like good music? Hmmm...that sounds like a song lyric, doesn't it? Anyway, if you like good music and would like to help support the arts, why not support the work of one of the artists?

Bud Buckley needs to raise money for his new CD project. What better way to do this than by selling the hell out of his first CD, "Feel My Love"? I'll give you the pitch in Bud's own words (reprinted from his blog).

"I need to raise more money for the production of my next CD which I hope to start seriously recording as soon as the busy season ends here around April. So I'm putting my CD, Feel My Love, up for sale. Many of my long term readers already own it. I'm offering it to everybody now for $10 with free shipping. Until Christmas. That's a $4 saving. I'll autograph every CD if you e-mail me instructions. You can use this as a gift. I HOPE you'll use it as a gift. I'm gonna repeat this offer daily but I don't have time to redesign the buy page just yet. So e-mail me, Bud@BudBuckley.com, and I'll give you a mailing address for you to send a check.

Special offer for those who already bought one: I'll sell you a second one for $9. Free postage. Again, think gift."

Bud is a good man and a talented musician, if not a good friend. Do yourself a favor and help this good man continue to make good music.

EVERYONE with taste buds should head over to the world famous Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum for their holiday shopping. You can choose from over 500 different varieties of mustard, sauces, and other tasty treats.

They also have some excellent novelty items, cookbooks, and apparel for the mustard-lover in your family. The Mustard Museum is the happiest place on Earth and I'd be crushed to know that you didn't check them out and avail yourselves to the champion of all condiments.

I don't have an online shop set up where you can order yourselves some Vegas Brothers T-Shirts. So I'll do this the old fashioned way, or at least as old fashioned as you can get online.

T-shirts are normally $15.00 plus shipping, but if you send me $10.00 (per shirt) I'll send you the things and eat the shipping costs. Shirts are in red or black and come in sizes from adult medium to XL. E-mail me if you have any additional questions.

AND SPEAKING OF T-SHIRTS, head on over to Fu-Qtoo.com and check out some of their wickedly funny and subversive t-shirt designs. At least three of the designs are inspired by yours truly. Two of them are designs that come from my stand-up act, including the "Rooster with Tourette Syndrome" and the "Second-Hand Smoke" shirt (which would make a GREAT gift for anyone living in Chicago right now!).

Go. Shop. Rejoice!

Thank me later.

My Weekend in Wisconsin

I've talked about this sort of thing with other performers and industry types before. Some gigs you take for the money. Some bookings you take to help your career. Some are jobs you take because YOU want to have some fun. The National Mustard Day festival is one booking I took purely for my own enjoyment.

As many of you well know, I LOVE the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. Every year they put on this great little festival without ANY help or support from the town, made famous by the Mustard Museum . They try to get sponsorship from the various vendors with some success but the majority of the cash put up for the FREE HOT DOGS (and the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile!), the games, the food, and other giveaway items comes from the Museum. Naturally they didn't have a lot of cash to spend on a professional entertainer like myself that some of the other fests do. This didn't bother me. I was willing to work for MUSTARD!

They have so darned many different and delicious types of mustards available there, I rarely exit the place without spending a lot of moolah. We use it all in various recipes here so it is never considered a waste of money to us. All I wanted was a little gas money and some mustards to be named later as payment for one show and some strolling entertainment.

Barry & Patti, owners of the museum, are arguably the nicest people on Earth and they put on one heck of a fun fest! They made me feel right at home and were very appreciative of the time I spent at their small festival. They allowed me to take more than any man's fair shore of tasty condiments home with me and they even awarded me a diploma from Poupon U., the world's foremost collegiate authority in mustardology.

Alongside some edible products I was also treated to some fine wearables. Check out these kick-ass medical scrubs. How comfy are these? You KNOW you're jealous of me! I imagine these will be quite a hit for the college kids around Wisconsin and elsewhere.

After bestowing upon me the goodies they even presented me with a check that was CONSIDERABLY more than the allotted gas money we'd agreed upon. I couldn't believe the generosity of these folks. They made it perfectly clear to me that my work was appreciated and that I was welcome there any time. I believe I know where I'll be spending the first Saturday in August for many years to come.

I also took some time to watch "March of the Penguins", see the sights in Baraboo, play some slots at the Ho-Chunk Casino, and found a great cheap motel near my next day's destination, Watertown, Wisconsin.

The Watertown Riverfest continues to be one of my favorite festivals to work. The setting is so beautiful and the people are always friendly. This year I was fortunate enough to work when Peter Noone was there. I was within "spitting distance" of the guy, but I opted not to spit nor bother ole Herman. I saw many women in their 50's and older running to get a glimpse of the man. I couldn't decide if it was sad or cool to watch these aging women act all giddy for Noone. I chose to find it sad for the ladies and cool for Peter Noone. Why not?

Anyway, with the good food, the fine friendship, the beautiful weather & scenery, and the accompanying satisfaction of making a living at a job I love, I had one GREAT weekend in Wisconsin.

Will Work for Food

Last week I found myself in Whiting, Indiana to perform at the Pierogi Fest. They've been trying to get me there for three straight years and this year I was FINALLY available to perform and boy was I glad to go.

April LOVES pierogis and I certainly can wolf down a few on my own. I wanted to make sure to get this booking so she could come along and enjoy one of her favorite foods from some 30+ vendors.

This week I am back in beautiful Mount Horeb, Wisconsin for NATIONAL MUSTARD DAY. This is, of course brought to the world by the fabulous Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. As you may recall, the Mustard Museum is among my favorite places on Earth and I happily jumped at the chance to work this festival. I'm even accepting much of my pay in mustard!

So, last week I took a gig so my wife could eat pierogis and this week I'm getting paid in mustard. Near as I see it I am the only entertainer around that truly will work for food. :)

The next day has me at a return appearance at another fantastic fest in Wisconsin, the Watertown Riverfest.

For all the times I complain about how bad the business is, when it is good, it is very good. It has less to do with the money to me as it does the fun I have working. Riverfest is one excellent party held in one of the more beautiful places in the state. Last time I was there I worked with Those Darn Accordions and The Fixx. How can you not enjoy a time like that?

What Goes Well with SPAM???

You may be wondering, after a very long and fun-filled first day with my wife, how could I top a trip to a cave, a casino and of course, the SPAM Museum? Well if you shorten the question a bit you get, "How could I top SPAM?" One "topping" comes to mind and you can find THOUSANDS of varieties of that special topping at...

Oh yeah, baby! That's what I'm talkin' about...The Mount Horeb Mustard Museum! You may have seen them mentioned or profiled on many a Food Network special, in magazines, or even heard tell of this magnificent place from people fortunate enough to have been there. If not, gather 'round, kiddies cuz you're gonna learn something GOOD!

April and I got to check out this museum of many mustards last year. We enjoyed the place so much we made a couple of subsequent trips. Each trip found us leaving the store with anywhere from $50.00 to $100.00 worth of delectable mustards from around the globe.

I have always been a mustard guy. For me, ketchup is for your French Fires, hash browns, just about any fried potato. It is NOT EVER for your hot dogs. It CAN be for your hamburgers. It should not otherwise be discussed, especially when in the presence of the best damned condiment ever devised, MUSTARD! You can imagine that any place called The Mustard Museum would be quite a treat for me.

Indeed, The Mount Horeb Mustard Museum is a treat for just about anyone. Started as a hobby (to forget the pain of multiple Red Sox World Series losses), the Mustard Museum evolved as a haven for over 4,000 different jars & varieties of mustard in the world's largest, if not the only collection of mustards in the world. It is now among the silliest and happiest places on Earth.

The Museum collection of mustards from days gone by and current classics is free for all to see. Honestly, who needs to look at the history of mustards throughout the ages when the hundreds, if not thousands of varieties available for tasting and purchase within the store is more than enough to impress the mustard fan in all of us.

April was never a mustard person. Our first trip had her doubting I'd EVER use all of the jars of mustards I'd purchased. Then I introduced her to the culinary marriage of mustard with cheese (arguably, her favorite food). Add some wine and fruit and before too long we were out of mustard. Our next trip had her finding flavors of her own and some damn good ones to boot.

Since I cook a lot and come up with many good recipes around here, I began to take full advantage of the mustardy goodness found at our trips to the Museum and used more and more mustards in my meals. By the time we headed out to The Mustard Museum for my Birthday Week we had only a few jars of mustard left in the old fridge. Clearly we needed MORE!

This time around brought home some amazing taste sensations like Oktoberfest beer mustard, garlic & wine mustard, huckleberry mustard, and many more. You are free to taste every single variety they offer for purchase before you buy and everyone working there is an expert on the subject.

When I get my scanner back I'll be sure to show you some of the labels and varieties. Until then I can't recommend HIGHLY ENOUGH that you visit the Mustard Museum website and the shop itself, should you be in Mt. Horeb, Wisconsin any time soon. You'll find that the folks there have a great sense of humor and are eager to make mustard-believers out of you.

I also have it on good authority that yours truly will be performing at this year's annual National Mustard Day celebration on Saturday August 6, 2005. Put that baby on your calendars because I am going to try and really do something special for these folks. I'm even willing to take some of my fee in mustard!