Be Careful When Texting

Text messaging takes your attention away from the very important things such as oncoming traffic and impending doom in the form of a T-Rex attack.

Thinking about it, you could also miss a cool T-Rex song on the radio if you are too busy texting someone.

Please text responsibly.

God I Hope this Continues

For the first time since living in Las Vegas and for the first time in a LONG time otherwise I have FIVE bookings in one week.

I had five bookings all last month.

Previous to that I had five bookings over a five month period.

I sure hope this trend continues. It would be nice to be a full-time entertainer again.

I'm happy that the ice is certainly breaking. I'm even happier that it is happening on a few different fronts and that it seems to be ahead of my internal schedule. Best of all, if this continues it will make me feel extra good about things because I have quite a few friends (more talented in my opinion) who tried to make it out here but had to move back to Chicago. It is nice to get some sort of validation that the marketing and the performances both work well.

I can't retire nor can I assume this means the end of a long dry spell is near. I can only be happy about it for now.

I LOVE this town!

"Miracles & Magic" Benefit - Tuesday Oct. 21 7:30 PM

If you live anywhere near Anaheim, CA you may want to check out this fantastic show at the house of Blues benefiting CHOC (Children's Hospital of Orange County.

Showtime is 7:30 PM. Doors open at 6:30 PM.
Tickets are $25.00 and are available through the House of Blues box office.
Address: 1530 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, CA 92802Phone: 714.778.BLUE

Scheduled to appear are:

• Comedians Tymon Shipp, winner of the Best Male Comedian Award at the 2006 Las Vegas Comedy Festival; Mike Uryga, and Aaron Westly
• The Insane Magic of Kevin James from America's Got Talent
• Juggler/Magician Andy Martello
• Magician Bob Jardin
• Local cover band 90 Proof.
  

Had I known this was such a huge event I'd have told you about it sooner. Of course, I've only just found out all the details today. Ah well.

Nailing Your Wife

Who doesn't like porn spoofs?


Nailing Your Wife

20th Reunion...Didn't "Miss it"

Yup, I didn't go. I know, big surprise. Did I "miss it"? Not really. I wanted to know who had RSVP'd and knowing might have actually made me consider going, but they didn't want to tell me and thought it would be somehow inappropriate to post a list online...event though online was how they were primarily contacting and conversing with people (Classmates.com, Yahoo group, etc.)

So the question is, would I consider going to the 25th reunion? Definitely. Will I go? Who knows? Depends upon a lot of things. My own life situation, the economy, the price of a plane ticket - lots of things will factor into a decision to go to something as ridiculous as a high school reunion.

What would make the decision easier for me? That is to say (not that anyone missed me there this time around nor do they give a shit if I do or not), what would make a "yes" decision more likely from me? Here are a few suggestions.

A) A little more lead time. I think I was contacted about this a month, maybe two before the thing was set. I don't really think there was that much planning involved since they had to change the venue at the last minute and really, something like this, especially if you are among the fortunate who moved far away from Marengo (nice town, liked my time...I MOVED ON!), you need more time to make plans. Airfare costs money, especially these days and something like that will not ever really make me rush out to buy a ticket without more notice. You've got FIVE YEARS, people. Make this seem like a good idea NOW and maybe everyone alive will be there for the 25th.

B) Have it somewhere more exciting than Marengo, Illinois. I'll pay extra to go somewhere more glamorous. Really I will. Having something to do AFTER the party is fun too. You can't do that in or around Marengo, Illinois. I tried. It isn't possible unless you plan on fucking some chick on Burma Road. You don't have to have the reunion in the same town you graduated in for it to be a reunion of graduates from the same high school. Apparently the first time around (10 year reunion) it was held in...OOHHH...Rockford, Illinois ("the BIG city" to many folks I guess) and I have no idea if that one was better attended than this one. All I know is that having it in a town 30 miles away is about the same as having it in the same small town you graduated from. It really only caters to the folks who never left the area code and doesn't make folks who found out there's more beyond the city limits of Smallville want to attend. There are plenty of good places and venues to hold such an event in the big city (NOT Rockford) or surrounding areas or even in another state. Just stop trying to make the homecoming game and parade a reason to attend the event. Good lord.

C) Seriously, tell us who is actually going. I can't speak for everyone but I am certain more would have gone if they knew which, if any, of their actual friends from high school were attending. Our damn graduating class was so small and clique-ish that it wouldn't surprise me if many folks abstained from the celebration simply because they didn't want to be stuck having to make happy-conversation with most of the folks they hated back then and hate now. What's worse, they might be struck with the prospect of finding out someone was ONLY an asshole then and NOW is someone worth knowing. NONE of those fucktards who hated my guts and made my life miserable then deserve my enjoying their new found "nice guy" persona now. I wouldn't want that for myself an I wouldn't want that for anyone else, even the fucktards. Sometimes surprises are nice. We all change and 20+ years can make a huge difference, but let some things be sacred...like the belief that you really ARE better than the fucktards who made high school suck.

NOTE: "Fucktards" is a phrase invented by my lovely wife, April. She also owns the copyright and I owe her a few bucks for using it so many times.

D) Post some photos from the 10-year and the 20-year reunion. People might feel like they truly missed something if we actually saw some of the fun we missed out on in the first place. At the very least, show me and my fellow classmates some photos of what the ladies look like today. I'd love to see what these people look like without awfully high 80's hair. ;)

Anyway, I'm sure I'll speak more of this some other time. I just can't help but think that attending my 25th reunion is just as out of the question. I'm always open to anything, given how crazy my life is most of the time. However, without some of the aforementioned suggestions in place...pretty doubtful. Maybe if I have my own show on the Strip I can afford to fly these folks out to a really cool town for a reunion. Not that they'd go. Can't venture must farther than Union or they might explode.

A Story in Four Pictures

I know, for comedy's sake I should really tell this tale in three pictures, but I have four and I like them all. I also plan on adding some text to give some explanation and detail. So really, this is just another blog post. DEAL!

This is my "new" chair!

It is actually a vintage late 1950's to mid 1960's leather office chair, described as "Eames Style". It features soft leather with a fabulous wooden base and brass-covered casters. The seat is cloth and in near perfect condition. The chair is somewhat adjustable and it rocks back a bit with perfect comfort in mind. That is to say, IT ROCKS!

I'm somewhat familiar with the Eames family and their furniture, but not enough to say if this is or is not one of their. I do know it is a killer retro chair in great shape and comfortable as all get out. The owners of the shop believe this to be an actual Eames chair, but cannot sell it as such because the tag was removed from the bottom of the chair. The quality of the work and the weight of the chair suggests that this is authentic, if not just plain cool! Were it to have the tag still on it I'd not be owning this chair at all as it would have cost $500.00 or more in the present condition. Without the tag and with a little haggling on my end over a small tear in the leather on one arm (small enough to fix with no effort at all) the cost was a mere $45.00!

This is my wife's cat, Phil. He is pictured here taking a quick look around to see if anyone (me) would stop him from inspecting the chair for damages. I expected Phil would want to do such an inspection. When deciding to buy the chair I knew it would need his full approval if it were to become a part of the household.

Here we see Phil, after a thorough visual inspection and many a "sniff test", trying out the chair for comfort, height, and durability. Not knowing whether this would be my new office chair or simply a chair for me to enjoy a cigar and a martini, he figured it would be best to test out all the possibilities. Judging by the way he is scanning the room too, he may be worried I'll chase him out of my new chair.

In this final photo we can clearly see Phil saying to himself,
"Fuck Andy! This is MY CHAIR!"

I Believe I may Have to Get One of These

Check it out...

Penguin Waffle Maker (Not made with real penguin)

The holidays are approaching!

More Reunion Crap

When posting photos onto a Yahoo group dedicated to a 20th high school reunion, I find that a few simple rules should apply.

First: Nobody wants to see photos of your kids. They have NOTHING to do with your high school experience and generally, people only care about their own kids. YOUR kids are only interesting to YOU.

Second: If you are posting mostly photos from high school, photos that fall into the category of "OH, I remember that! Thanks for posting." and NOT adding photos of yourself in present day then it follows that you felt you peaked in high school and are likely ashamed of the person you are now. Go listen to Springsteen's "Glory Days" (something that was probably out when we were in high school) and scan some recent pics already!

Third: If you are NOT posting high school photos and only posting present day photos then you probably "blossomed" after high school and are trying to forget the awkward high school days. Therefore you are unlikely to attend the reunion.

Fourth: You should really ONLY post both (present and past) or none at all. We only go to these things to see what happened to you since high school (translation: would we still want to bang you or would we want to bang you now?). We want to remember when and wonder if. Got it? Your kids are meaningless to us.

Fifth: If I personally have posted none of these types of photos it has to do with the facts that I A) don't give a shit and B) am pissed that more of you don't understand rules 1 through 4.

Get some clues, people!