Yellow Book Report: Part Three: Cheap & Unrealistic

Earlier this week I made a comment about how the people who are using the Yellow Book to contact me are cheap and unrealistic. OK, I used stronger language but after some mystery reader named Ken showed up and said I made him "feel special". I altered the post a bit to prevent too many hurt feelings and MAYBE not turn away potential clients.

It is funny though. Every so often new people come in here and get huffy when they find a less than corporate Andy than you'd find at my main website. They're all warned in advance. Whether or not they choose to read and believe the warning is up to them.

Hurt feelings or not, it seems that the majority of the people that have been responding to my Yellow Book ad have some rather LOW budgets and some extremely unreal expectations.

I've had three more calls since the last post.

One reflects people who actually did want to plan in advance, but had literally no money to spend. I started with my already low rate for such an event and then, after finding out their budget was merely $85.00 (Seriously?) I agreed to take the event should they wish to book. I felt like a whore, but I wanted SOMEONE to book from the Yellow Pages ad. Even bringing my price down to the point where I was losing money to do the show didn't work.

One was a spur of the moment, "Gee, I've already spent a ton on this big party in the hills, yet I have no entertainment" kind of call. He wanted a full-on 45-minute show complete with the fire-eating, the plate-spinning and so on. I quoted my rate for such a show - well, my rate from about 5 years ago, and told him I'd be willing to work with his budget since it was so last minute (two days out from the big party he'd been planning for months).

The third was a last-minute planner & someone who read the ad and called to ask about something I don't even provide, a moon bounce for her yard. Embarrassed by her mistake she chose to inquire about my entertainment services which resulted in a total freak out at the very inexpensive price I quoted. I cost considerably less than a moon bounce if you're wondering.

Again I ask, if you are looking to spend about $50.00 or less for entertainment, why would you choose to call the guy with the biggest and prettiest ad in the Yellow Book? I'm not saying there aren't people in the Yellow Pages who will charge practically nothing for a ton of entertainment because clearly, there are those under-cutting jerks out there. I'm just saying that it doesn't take long to find out many of the cheap acts don't have my skill set nor my performance record and the fact I'm willing to come down in price so much should be as much of a selling point as having a Ringling Bros. trained, 23-year seasoned performer who has opened for Gladys Knight, been seen on national TV, and performed for the President & Congress.

With all due respect to Ken, it is I who should have the hurt feelings.

"Party Planning Service" Category:
Four Calls, No Bookings

"Entertainment - Family" Category:
Two Calls, No Bookings
One "Moon Bounce" Request. WTF???

One day I'll find the right combination and get some bookings. At least the phone is ringing, right? Of course, none of this bodes well for the salesman next year when he tries to convince me to place another ad. Stay tuned.

Yellow Book Report: Part Two: Early Signs

I cannot be upset about getting three calls as a result of my Yellow Book ads since the 18th of May. It means people are indeed reading the ad and feeling inspired to call.

I can be a tad upset that nobody has booked any shows. I can be more upset that it seems that the people reading the Yellow Book are CHEAP!

Again, I received a call for a somewhat last minute graduation party show and [SIGH!] another birthday party. Both times I quoted a VERY reasonable price, especially when you consider that I have been doing this professionally for nearly 25 years and and that I am in one of the entertainment meccas of the world. Both times they were frightened away by the cost.

There are an estimated TWO MILLION PEOPLE living in Clark County, with about 600,000 in the city of Las Vegas alone. This is not a small town and the population & average salaries of the people here means this area falls well within the range of the measly sum I charge for a stinkin' birthday party. That being said, I am apparently too rich for the blood of the folks who care enough about their kids to spring for a party, but not enough to plan ahead longer than a week or so.

From now on I think I will try to find out what the person is looking to spend and then tell them what kind of show I can offer for that price. MAYBE that will generate some kind of interest or work. I've had some folks not even return the follow-up calls, presumably because they're too afraid to talk to the guy with the high price. I don't know.

What bugs the hell out of me is that people must know that Yellow Pages ads cost money. I can't assume everyone out there knows that they are actually pretty expensive since most people don't advertise in the phone book unless they have a business. Regardless, if you are looking to spend about $50.00 for entertainment, why would you choose to call the guy with the biggest and prettiest ad in the book. Even a moron would have to assume those ads are more expensive than the tiny ones and therefore, the act may charge more than others, right?

Ah well, at least the phone is ringing. For those keeping score...

"Party Planning Service" Category:
Three Calls, No Bookings

"Entertainment - Family" Category:
No Calls, No Bookings

I am assuming one of the calls came from the "party Planning Service" category since that's where the others came from. Of course I can't say for sure since this cheapo won't return my follow-up phone calls. Stay tuned.

Yellow Book Report: Part One: The First Call

Last Wednesday I received my very first response to my Yellow Book Yellow Pages ad. I can say it was my FIRST call because until this year I'd never even been in ANY town's Yellow Pages.

Feel free to see my previous post about my ads and my reasons for never placing ads there before.

It was nice to get a response the same week the ad broke. It was rather encouraging, especially since I've been extremely depressed about my lack of entertainment work. My goal and subsequent streak of booking ONE event a month (to at least make me FEEL like I'm still an entertainer) will be coming to an end this month, unless something changes SOON!

The first call? [sigh] A birthday party...for a (get this) TWO YEAR OLD. Yep. Them pre-toddlers just LOVE comedians and jugglers.

When was this birthday party? [sigh] The very next day. Not that I wasn't available. I just knew the person would have NO budget. I quoted a VERY reasonable (extremely cheap) price for the event and hoped for the best.

The result? [sigh] "Oh. [pause] Really? [pause] Um...well I've got to call a few more people first, but I'll let you know. [CLICK]."

Still and all, it was a call in response to my ad. As the Mythbusters say, any result is a result.

I'm keeping tabs on how "successful these ads will be so when the salesman calls next year I can tell him why I will or will not be continuing my advertisement. So for those keeping score...

"Party Planning Service" Category:
One Call, No Booking

"Entertainment - Family" Category:
No Calls, No Bookings