"$100.00? Quit Your Bitching!" aka, Why Bill Kurtis ROCKS!

Well my virtual friends, I have returned from my day working for peanuts, looking like a Capone-era tough guy for the cameras, & perfecting my Bill Kurtis impersonation. It still needs work, by the way.

I promised a review of the donuts. They were Dunkin' Donuts Munchkins, so how bad can that be? Of course, those were NOT served at the gig...they were in the offices of Kurtis Productions. AT the gig we were all treated to complimentary meals from the fine kitchen of the Green Door Tavern in Chicago. Being fed REAL FOOD at a film shoot - ALREADY a better gig than I'd expected. To Hell with the donuts, let's talk turkey about my gangster day with the Kurtis crew!

First off, the entire crew of Kurtis Productions, including da man himself, are arguably the nicest and easiest people on Earth to work for or with. They couldn't have made us "featured extras" feel any more comfortable or important if they tried. Great people with fine dispositions & senses of humor. Always a plus!

The work itself? One of the best film shoots I've ever done. I wouldn't have minded one bit if this were a $50.00 gig. I was mentioning the crap that actors put themselves through before. See, because of the way the biz is and how easy it is to replace an extra, most actors time is not as valuable as mine from a money for services standpoint. I can make $400.00 for a 45-minute juggling show or work for 12 hours for $50.00. You do the math. Today, I had nothing on the old calendar so why not make money instead of NOT making some? I am very glad I went.

We shot a few establishing scenes that will be accompanied by the dulcet tones of a classic Bill Kurtis narration. This is a project about the I.R.S and how they took down the legendary Al Capone. Our scenes were to add some color and action to this documentary. I found out that this program (Title to be printed when available) will be airing on The History Channel on October 25, 2004. So mark your calendars if you don't want me to make orphans out of yer children!

Among the reasons I had so much fun, I got to watch Scarface Al bludgeon to death two gangsters with a baseball bat. I even got to smoke a good cigar during the scene. What's not to like about that? I also got to drink elderberry wine at 11 AM, hit on a very attractive young lady dressed in flapper attire, and watch Bill Kurtis traverse the set wearing my hat...which I'm selling on eBay soon! "The FAVORITE hat of TV legend Bill Kurtis! Starting bid: ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!"

The best parts...I was in two great scenes that featured me prominently. The first was where a couple of thugs had to drag my dead body across the floor of a meat locker and drop me at the loading dock. Not bad! But even better was a scene where I got the crap beaten out of me until my face was rendered a bloody mess. Lots of action & drama, and I got to be all bloody on screen. Big-time fun! Sure I'm a little sore from all the tossing about and crashing into brick walls & my suit may never recover...but it was terribly fun to do!

This was not your typical boring day as an extra on set. Better food, more to do, fun people to work with, chicks in flapper dresses, wine, blood, Bill Kurtis operating his own camera, Bill Kurtis directing me to hit on my own personal flapper (in Kurtis voice: "Move in closer. Touch foreheads lightly. Slowly bring up your glasses and drink. Joanna, stroke his face lightly.") - do I gotta say it - Bill Kurtis ROCKS!

Stay tuned, kiddies! The episode will air in less than a month. Maybe if I blog about the show I can be a Blog of Note! Next stop - SUPERSTARDOM!

"Hey Look, I'm on TV!" aka, Why Actors Suck

I'm off to play a gangster in an upcoming TV production detailing the lives of Al Capone & other famous Chicago mobsters. This is likely to be on A&E as it is being produced by none other than Mr. Bill Kurtis, whom I've worked with in the past.

I took the job because a friend of mine is the casting director and he needed the bodies to fill the screen. Plus, I had nothing else going on today other than the usual marketing of the biz, MAYBE cleaning the apartment, and playing online. I did not take this gig for the money.

Why? The money is AWFUL!

I know I'd be getting paid much better if I were someone with actual lines or clout of any kind, but for this job, I'm mostly one of the guys in the background, shooting Tommy-guns at cops, looking good in secret meetings, etc. So I'll get a fantastic $100.00 for my day, which will start at about 10AM (to accommodate the drive into downtown) and end around 10 or 11 PM (also allowing for drive time back home).

Now, here's the shitty part...any actors that are reading this are going crazy saying, "$100.00? Quit your bitching! I'll work twice as long for $100.00!" See, they're used to doing extra work for even longer days and making MAYBE $50.00 for the whole day. Actors lap that shit up as if it were mother's milk and they do it because they think it is going to lead to their big break. It won't. It never does.

IF you can make a living sustaining yourself with extra work, God bless you! Fill out your resume and enjoy the donuts. I like making my living getting paid for my comedy, juggling, corporate gigs, etc. I take the extra gigs for fun and fun only. The $700.00 I made over the weekend for a couple of juggling shows is much better than the hundo I'll pull down for this thing today. But...today I'll get to hang with Bill Kurtis, and be able to say, "Hey look, I'm on TV!"

I'll have more about the shitty life of an actor down the road. I'll also report on the quality of the donuts at Curtis Productions later.