Happy Halloween!

Halloween is really the only holiday worth celebrating. The religious aspects of the day have been so long forgotten that it is really just a day for fun, something most people desperately need.

The costumes, the candy, the rather large amount of women who suddenly become complete and total whores in the minds of guys who can't separate a chick in a fetish costume like a cat or a French Maid from the reality that the ladies are all still frigid bitches who are just as unwilling to have sex with them - u...What was I saying?

Ah yes! Halloween! I love it. Next to April Fool's Day and my birthday there is really no other legitimate day worth celebrating on Earth.

One drawback to my job as an entertainer (and perhaps one of the reasons why I'm never invited to any parties) is that when everyone else in the world is having fun I am working. Holidays and weekends, the times when most people are partying down, are the times when I must work. Every major holiday and party weekend finds yours truly hard at work while you are wondering why I couldn't attend your barbecue.

Halloween is usually a little different from other days in that I generally have to dress down for my shows. Everyone else is in costume and the only way for me to appear different from the crowd is to dress a little more "normally" than everyone else. The rest of the year has me in good looking outfits that are always a bit more over-the-top than casual street-wear. Sometimes, when you are all in your everyday clothing, I am in a full-on costume.

Today I have to head on out to the North Riverside Park Mall for an event. I've been there several years in a row now and the person who books the thing has never figured out that even if the client requests that we wear "real costumes" instead of our standard show garb, we shouldn't wear costumes. It just confuses the situation and makes many of the parents think we're "creepy".

One year at the mall filled with kids and parents in costumes, I had to juggle dressed as Jake Blues. Nobody knew if I was supposed to be there or if I was some sort of freak trying to kidnap kids. There are a lot of freaks doing a lot of bad things on Halloween. It should follow that the entertainer shouldn't do something to appear unusual or out of the ordinary (the ordinary on Halloween being a person in a costume). I've been mistaken for a costumed-kidnapper before and I'm not eager to start that again.

Nevertheless, I have to sport some sort of costume.

I've finally gotten the agent to accept my red tuxedo jacket, tie, and shiny shoes (more or less my actual show attire) as that of a "Ringmaster" costume and that seems to appease the end client. Now if I could only get them to understand that I am NOT a magician and do NOT perform any magic tricks.

Every year I have to endure posters advertising a magician and I'm told to "bring a few small tricks in case anyone wants some magic." I always bring a deck of cards and go about my regular performances...Which are always well-received...You know, so good that they ask to have me back every damn year! Shocking to know I'm good at my job (NOT a job as a magician!).

Ah well, it is good to have the work.



Happy Halloween, everyone! Enjoy your parties and the trick-or-treating, I'll be the magical juggling "Ringmaster" at the mall.