One Singular Goal (sort of)
What once was a job I truly loved and enjoyed is now killing me quickly. For reasons I cannot go into here, I have been regretting ever taking the job for about 2 1/2 months.
That being said, I N-E-E-D the job far too much. I am not at all making any sort of living as an entertainer (yet) and while there is a light at the end of that tunnel, that light is merely a pinhole through a dark curtain as opposed to an actual light of hope.
I have always hoped to make myself as busy with the entertainment as when I was in Chicago and I still believe that will happen. If possible I'd maintain a full-time job along with my full-time entertainment responsibilities. A little extra cash and some much-needed relief from self-employed tax burden (as well as some other debts I cannot mention here) can surely help. If not possible, I'd keep the "day job" (which I'm stuck doing night shift all the fucking time now) as a part-time paycheck and entertain more often.
With all the shit going on there I can only see myself staying on part time (or at all) if the entertainment thing gets a serious jump start pretty damn soon. Not holding my breath.
So I have one singular goal (and one kind of ancillary goal): Focus all my available time and energy to getting entertainment work (both in an entertainment office, like back in Chicago and on stage) so I can either shit-can the day job or make it a part time thing. I can tolerate most anything when pressed to do so. Tolerating is much easier when I'm not there all the time.
The secondary goal is to get out of this job altogether and get into a better (and equally as flexible) one. Resumes are going out again this week - BIG TIME!
I'm TRYING to keep a stiff upper lip. I'm REMINDING myself how much I like it here and how I believe I was brought here for a reason. I am DOING MY BEST to keep it together and not fall into a crippling depression. None of that gets the bills paid and keeps the proverbial ulcer from burning through my gut.