Never Been More Scared

I have to head back to Illinois tomorrow to finish up contracts and make some money while April looks for a job.

We still don't have our mail key, which means...

We still don't have the credit card from our bank, which means...

We still don't have our belongings in the new house.

Thanks to a follow-up call to the movers I made to arrange a later delivery (which we're allowed) and avoid having our items arrive without me here and April having no cash to pay for them...

I got a phone call today saying our things should be around Wednesday night or Thursday morning. That means...

The person I spoke to on the phone somehow COMPLETELY misunderstood the reason for my call. That means...

My latest on the list of "my worst fear" (I've had a lot of worst fears in the last couple of months) may be realized if I can't get a hold of one of the most helpful and more competent people I spoke to when arranging this move. So much for due diligence and all that crap.

I'm begging "The Universe", who has been so very good to us all told during this life-altering ordeal, to PLEASE keep the good things a rolling just a tad longer, even though I probably don't deserve any more good karma. I'm hoping for some good mojo from the bloggers as well, even though I don't deserve any more of your thoughts as well.

IF we get our mail key tomorrow we MAY...

Find that credit card in our mailbox OR better yet...

We may even get that card in the mail which is on hold at the Post Office, assuming we get ANY mail. Oddly enough, we've received practically NOTHING in the last week, including our mail key which was coming Priority Mail to the P.O.. Strange.

IF we get the card...

We can just let the goods arrive as "planned" and even though I won't be here...

April can get the house somewhat put together in between job interviews and so on.

Every time I try to get a little breath in my lungs and attempt to be that "I know everything will work out" guy, every time I try to enjoy the amazing and ballsy journey we undertook after being forced from our homes and into action, every time I try to relax and feel some sense of pride and accomplishment - the potential for the rug being pulled out from under me is there AGAIN!

I thought we had all this crap settled and now I have to fly to Illinois and burden my wife with the movers, the unpacking (even though I know she'll leave a lot for me...heh), and the financial woes (we do have some cash ready to go and other means...we're trying not to deplete our living funds and our "you'll get a job soon" funds). This is all happening while April is working every damn day to get herself a job and start her new life as well. I feel like a failure.

This is just too damned much. I'm never going to truly get to exhale am I?

Anyway. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed to vent and you probably needed something to read.

For the record...Everything will be fine. We have made it this far, we'll make it a little farther. I know everything will work out. I just needed to panic before I pack my suitcase and watch more porn.

Oh yeah...mojo, please. You guys seem to be a big part of the good karma train. :)