Best Song Ever! Vol. Three, "Asshole", By Denis Leary

"No, I've gotta go out and

have fun at someone else's expense."

Sure I could have chosen a kick-ass Christmas tune or posted something warm and fuzzy for Christmas Eve. I didn't. Why? I'm an asshole. Any asshole like me would find the humor in making this my Christmas Eve post.

I don't even own this song. I frequently forget about the very existence of this tune. I've never been a huge fan of Denis Leary's comedy, though I'll confess to liking his acting work. Most comedians won't cop to enjoying Leary, generally because there's quite a lot of talk about Leary stealing Bill Hicks' act verbatim. I've no intention of getting into any of that here. You are not interested in comedy theory and so on. You want to know why this, of all songs, is the best song ever.

This is the best song ever because it is just so wonderfully rude and abrasive. We certainly all know people like the asshole described in the lyrics. In fact, everyone feels like being the type of asshole described in this song at one point or another. Even if we're not assholes, there are times when we really want to be and this song gives us a little permission to let off steam, if not a blueprint for exactly how to achieve such perfect asshole status.

Moreover, this song is just extremely good to listen to. It is written in a manner similar to some classic Beatles tunes and has addictive chords and harmonies. I am always a big fan of beauty ruined by startling ugliness. "Asshole" is a fine example of such humor. I can listen to this over and over and if I'm in the car I can yell out the chorus as if it were an empowering anthem of freedom. I know...I'm an asshole.

We all want to be nice and friendly more often, but frequently are not. As people, we can tend to be extremely unkind and insensitive and I've no intention of pretending that this is always a bad thing. Sometimes we need to be a bit rude. While I'll always hope that things can be a little better, I'll never pretend that our callous behavior isn't as much a part of what makes us human. This song celebrates that dark side of everyone.

So, as we all gather around the tree, open presents, and share in some family moments and good tidings, let's all remember that these wonderfully warm & fuzzy feelings of goodwill will all be gone on December 26th. Why? Because we're all assholes sometimes. I'm an asshole just for mentioning this truth about the end of the Holiday season.

If you've no intention on being an asshole on December 26th, I'm quite certain someone standing in line to return a shitty gift, some out-of-town-bad-driving-fuckwad, or some dickhead with a blog will make YOU want either to be an asshole yourself, or tell that guy what an asshole he is.

Listen to the Best Song Ever, "Asshole". Click the YouTube link above and enjoy the video as well. Ummm...Do I have to be an asshole and tell you that the lyrics are not safe for work? Wait, an asshole wouldn't warn you at all. Ah well, I'm not that much of an asshole.

Merry Christmas, assholes!

Best Song Ever! Vol. One: "Music Time", by Styx

Best Song Ever! Vol. Two: "A Life of Illusion", by Joe Walsh