Ten Things Tuesday: (Special Post Thanksgiving Edition) Post Thanksgiving Day Activities

• Release turkey pardoned by the President. Watch Dick Cheney shoot it in the face.
• Buy up supplies of every known laxative and sell to turkey-filled, severely clogged freaks at a 1000% mark-up.
• Call up Fiona Apple and invite her to your house for cold turkey sandwiches.
• Google Fiona Apple to find out why the above is so damned funny.
• While reading about Fiona Apple, get answers to the "Where is she now?" type questions.
• Get your porn shopping done today to take full advantage of the "door buster" specials.
• Ask Michael Richards and Mel Gibson what they're most thankful for. I'd kinda like to hear the answers, wouldn't you?
• Forget shopping. Go to Blockbuster and rent everything you can find with William Shatner in it and have the best film festival EVER!
• Go to malls and stand in parking lot with big signs that read, "Santa isn't real. Ask your parents!"
• Fisting. ANY day is a good day to try fisting.