Dear God,

I know I don't believe in you much...And it's been made ABUNDANTLY clear over the years that you don't much believe in me either, but I have a little request.

If indeed you are out there and do have a little pull in such matters, I really, really REALLY need you to ease up on the snowfall coming our way. Word is you're personally shitting a holy blizzard on all of creation over the next couple of days. More specifically, you seem to be voiding your bowels directly on top of whatever road I will be traveling this weekend. If this blizzard ain't a soft serve ice cream treat with chopped Snickers bars & peanut butter cups then we've got a fucking problem!

I know it is supposed to stop snowing by midday Friday and I SHOULDN'T be worrying about such things, but "SHOULDN'T" may not be good enough. See, I have had fewer than FIVE gigs all the month of November, something I was planning on talking to you about at a later date. As soon as November turns into December I'll be able to start making a living again and not coming to George Bailey-like conclusions about how I can keep my small family from being tossed out on the street. Your shit-storm of icy Hell on Earth COULD jeopardize me making my shows and that simply cannot happen.

I do not have the luxury of being allowed to be late for a gig. I'm not allowed to get stuck by weather, death, auto accident - NOTHING excuses me from being tardy from a performance. That's just one of the things I accepted when I took on this life of complete anonymity and frequent poverty.

Well sir, this is nearly a two thousand dollar weekend for me and it involves a lot of necessary, albeit redundant driving (To Milwaukee, then Oregon, IL and back to Milwaukee again - UGH!). I wouldn't even have had to take one of these gigs (the one sending me two hours back into Illinois only have me return the following day) were it not for the fact that your infinite wisdom saw it fit to relegate me to my cluttered apartment for a whole fucking month without reason to don my shiny shoes. I had to "make hay while the sun was shining" and take all the work I could cram into the weekend. NOW I find out that there's a chance my very existence, and I'm NOT kidding here, is at risk.

HELL NO!

Make some calls. Shake down some Republicans. Do whatever you have to do to make it so I can make all SIX shows (in three separate locations) this weekend WITHOUT INCIDENT! Seriously, you don't want to piss me off any more than you already have over the years. Have you any idea how many people read this blog? Literally, like tens of dozens of people every year! I'll really make life difficult for you, you hack deity! I'll start a meme or something.

Just get me happily into and through ALL my busy sections of the month without some horrific disaster. I haven't the money in reserve to live through another dead month nor do I have the fortitude necessary to "weather the storm", be it a genuine snow storm or a symbolic trial of my will & patience.

And I'd like the crap going on with our landlord to fucking stop, RIGHT NOW too! Fuck, I know you're going to just ingore me anyway so I may as well as for something else that probably won't happen.

Thank God I'm agnostic!

Damn, I'm funny!