Someone's Gotta Say It

I do not scour the internet looking for stuff like this. I merely find stuff like this and point out the hypocrisy of it all. That's what comedians do.

However, perhaps the parents out there reading this will take a look at it and decide, "Oh yeah. We're supposed to be PARENTS and watch what the fuck our kids do. I totally forgot how much we suck! Good lord, thank God we get that tax break, otherwise this parenting thing wouldn't be worth all the hard work at all."

Here are just a few gems I found at a popular site featuring the easy uploading of videos & audio, as well as an active online community of people going "LIVE", chatting away in chat rooms and broadcasting to the world via their webcams. For the techno-challenged who somehow found this blog but have no idea what I'm talking about otherwise, these are people who were chatting with others online and you could actually see them chatting with you via their webcam. A video web chat if you will. Sometimes you even get real-time audio feeds to accompany the chat and enhance the experience.

I tried to pick the ones who clearly were representing themselves and NOT ones using a fake age. Their photos matched their webcam images and they seemed to be "real" and that may be the most disturbing thing of all. I've removed names to protect the "innocent", but these are the photos THEY CHOSE TO PUT ONLINE IN AN OPEN FORUM so I didn't have to go this far to prevent embarrassment. You do not have to be a member of this particular online site in order to check out people's profiles, and watch their webcast, in case you were wondering.

I'm just saying, don't let your profile photo (the visual representation of who you actually are) contradict your written description of you and your like or dislikes when chatting online.

I'll start with a mild one. All typos and web slang are kept perfectly intact to preserve the integrity of the author. I apologize for not being able to provide a web-to-English dictionary for you.

How about this gal? Now she has MANY photos of herself in her profile and she obviously mixes them up quite a bit. However, this is the one that was up at the time I was at this communal website. She's 16 years old. Nice pic, right? If I weren't blocking out her eyes you might not even notice the cleavage, right? Oh yeah...We live on Earth and most everyone is looking at the cleavage. Anyway, let's read her profile.

..im 16....i will ban you if you...
-pm me repeatidly after i told you to stop -mention my tits
-are from 4chan
-are an asshole (synflood is an exception)
-umm yea i unno i guess i'll make it up as i go
i have 60 people on my ban list and its still growin =]
im not afraid to tell you to fuck off.
i dont feel like talking about myself...

besides that im a pretty cool person ^_^
im required to say that btw


Now believe me when I say that this is the TAMEST of the various profiles of people who offer up tantalizing photos and then say things like, "Don't mention my tits." I chose not to show you the SEVERAL photos I found of people in their bras or in a string bikini, CLEARLY featuring their brestimases and then boldly telingl you in their profile, "I won't flash you and don't ask to see me naked or in my underwear."

Huh? I just don't get it. Isn't there an old adage that says, "Don't use your tits to get people to chat with you if you don't want people to chat about your tits." If not, there certainly should be. I'm pretty certain Martha Washington said something like that.

How about this one from a 14 year old girl. I'll start with her special profile message. It shows that she KNOWS to watch out for creeps online. Good for her!

I`LL ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS ON HERE SO U BETTER READ... -YES IM SINGLE -NO I WONT GO OUT WITH YOU -NO I DONT WANT TO SEE YOUR 11.3 INCH PENIS -IM 13 SO DONT ASK -NO I WONT GO PRIVATE FOR YOU -NO I WONT STRIP FOR YOU -NO I DONT LIKE YOU -NO YOU CANT HAVE MY NUMBER -From now on i WILL NOT add you if you do not have a picture for all i know your like 60 and a horny old perverted man.... ANYMORE ASK ME TO PUT THEM UP HERE FOR YOU

Well then we may as well check out the profile photo of herself that SHE CHOSE to help bring this message of inner strength, confidence, teenage innocence, and chastity to the foreground. Bear in mind she had quite a few photos to choose from. This just happened to be the one she had up there hoping to get someone to click on her, chat, and make new friends. Sweet really.

Wait for it...

Ah yes, there it is.

I'll quote a line from the film, "Face Off". I think it is appropriate for these two young ladies and ALL of the people, male & female alike who have tawdry pics of themselves in this public forum but don't want the weirdos to hit on them.

"If you dress up like Halloween, ghouls will want to get into your pants."

By the way, since I know that there are a LOT of ladies out there just dying to see photos of good looking & well-built young men without their shirts on you can find a million of those such profiles too. Not that this is the point of this entire post. I'm just sayin'...

Last, I have a photo of someone that I just liked. I still protected her identity because...Well, I'm just a nice guy like that. She seemed nice, funny, and appeared to have a good head on her shoulders. She was originally from Chicago and had no reason at all for me to think that there was anything wrong with her or how she spends her time online. I just liked her photo. It made me laugh for one obvious reason.


Penguin in cleavage. Funny. OK, she's 17 and the word "cleavage" shouldn't really be in this sentence. But it is a funny photo and certainly suitable for Andy Land, right?

For the record, I have not chatted with any of these folks. I do not try to chat with anyone online that I do not already know either from actual human contact or from friendships forged through my blog, my writer friends, and so on. This is not the result of some awful perverted thing I had going on around here. You all know me well enough to know that when I go looking for smut online, I go to the right places and do not waste my time with kid stuff. heh!

No, this is just something I've been noticing a lot of lately and being a smart-ass, I felt it necessary to bring it up. It should be as entertaining as it is disturbing. No matter, it makes for good content and I plan on reexamining this concept as I find more hypocritical and confusing crap on the internet.