"Good Exposure" (AKA, "Will Work for Free")

I get asked to perform a lot of shows for free. More often than not the group asking for the freebie is a charity or some sort of benefit to raise money to get rid of a disease that we should have gotten rid of by now simply by not being slaves to the pharmaceutical lobby.

I am not a an unsympathetic man. I do actually perform pro bono shows every year. However, I pick and choose these free performances VERY carefully and I do not do many of them.

First off, even if you are "not for profit", I most certainly am for profit. My business is impossibly difficult at times for one to make a living and profit is and always will be my friend. If profit wants to come around and say, "HI" I've got my doors wide open.

Next, the free shows I do perform either have to be extremely entertaining for me on some bizarre & personal level (The National Mustard Day Fest is a great example) or the organization hosting the event has to have some great personal attachment to me. If some diabetes awareness group or someone else with a personal tug on my heart strings comes a calling I MAY be receptive to the prospect of a free show. I can't promise I'll be there because I HAVE to make a living too.

Ask me to work a freebie at peak times and you are likely to be refused because I can't afford to lose work on a busy Saturday in July. Every case is different. I'm just as likely to turn down a donated show during the slow times because I'm not making ANY money that month and just leaving the house could make or break me.

The worst is the promise of "good gxposure". This is the single phrase used more than any other by folks wanting a free show. "Be in our fest and you'll be seen by thousands of people AND get a listing in our festival guide. You'll receve some good exposure."

OK, here's the thing. If you are not promising me the front page of the Chicago Tribune & massive TV coverage I'm not getting "good exposure". If the people attending the festival are not exclusively meeting planners, casting directors, and maybe Steven Spielberg I'm not getting "good exposure". If my listing in your festival guide does not include a full color photo, my contact info, and a cover doused in Super Glue to prevent the attendees from tossing the guide in the shitter I'm not getting "good exposure".

When I did The Bozo Show all those years ago, that program had LONG AGO stopped paying the acts. I did it for three reasons - I got a broadcast quality tape of my performance, I would be seen on a nationally known program in front of an audience of over 25 million people, and I would have a great excuse to do additional marketing to the prospective clients with this addition to my resume. THAT was "good exposure".

What really bugs me about the "good exposure" thing is that the very question is a tad insulting to someone who's been working in the biz for as long as I. You found my website without any problem so how much more exposure do I need?

At the risk of sounding even more like a total prick, let me give the person hopeful to get a free show from a starving artist a few tips on what not to do or say.

1. Eliminate the words "good exposure" from the equation. If you cannot provide some sort of guarantee of major press coverage for the specific entertainer or a promise that a Hollywood agent ready to sign a fresh face will be watching, we'll get our exposure in our own time, in our own way.
2. Don't ask the performer to do a free show DURING A SHOW IN PROGRESS. Yes, I've had this happen, too many times. You're really making the performer HATE YOU and your cause by interrupting the show. Come to think of it, asking the performer immediately after the show is over is just as much in bad taste. Ask for a business card and contact the guy some time when he's not tired and sweaty from completing a show.
3. Don't ask for a freebie if you are representing a group with PLENTY OF CASH to pay for a show. Most of the people you are asking for free shows don't cost that much to begin with. If your group is say, "The Richest Billionaires in World Club" (a fictional group...DUH!), we'll have no sympathy for your plight. Just the other day I was aksed for a freebie from a downtown Chicago group with more than enough cash to afford a measly $450.00 or less for my show. It doesn't endear you to the performer and doesn't serve your purpose well.
4. Have something you can offer the performer in lieu of cash (and not involving "good exposure"). Most of these events depend upon the sponsorship from the local stores or businesses. They have more of a vested interest in your community and allocate money for supporting events like yours. Get them to donate gift certificates or services so you can have something to offer the performers (people who haven't the funds to allocate for free shows and may not even live in your community). At the very least, you have to be able to guarantee free parking, easy access to the performance facitilty, or a free meal. If there's a trade instead of a donation on the part of the performer, then it is beneficial to both parties.
5. Don't ask way too soon. Asking a performer a year in advance for a freebie may seem like a good idea to you, but honestly, if the performer knows he's very busy during the time of year your event is he's still going to say no. Plus, he would rather commit himself to a freebie when he's a little closer to the date and knows for certain if he's got a gig or not.
   
6. Don't ask way too late. Don't wait til the last minute to ask because if the performer isn't working by the week of your event he's already made plans with his family. Plus, it makes you look like the entertainment to your very important event is an afterthought and that not only upsets the performer, but makes him that much angrier when you then ask for a free show. I was asked just this year by a MAJOR organization for a donated show, downtown, in the busiest part of town with the least amount of parking, on an otherwise busy Saturday in July for a free show. They'd been promoting and planning this event for a year and a half and they called entertainers about 10 days before the event. What the hell is that?
7. Don't expect an entertainer to drop everything because you have called him, especially if your free event is during one of the busiest times of the year. We have to work and make our money during these busy times. I'm a whole lot more likely to take a freebie on a Wednesday as opposed to a Saturday, as is every performer I've ever known.
8. Don't take it personally. If we turn you down politely and explain why, you've been given plenty of courtesy and you should move on. I've been actually yelled at by someone who couldn't understand why I couldn't take the gig and I was turning it down because I was booked elsewhere!
9. Consider whom you are asking. Don't just stop to think about the fact that you're asking someone with a tough enough task (making a living as an entertainer) to do your show. Consider where the person is coming from. If the guy lives in Nashville and your event is in Montreal (extreme example) he's REALLY not going to take the show. Find out if the person is close to you or in the area at the time of your event. I've taken many free shows simply because they were on the way to or from a paying gig I had that same day. I'm not driving the hour it takes me to go downtown if I don't have to. Sorry.
10. Be up front and honest, not vague and earnest. Tell the guy up front who you are, what you do, and what you're asking for. Trying to soften a guy up with the stories about your miniscule funding, the kid who's life you saved, or the number of people affected by the awful disease just tells the entertainer, "You're not going to make a dime and nobody will really see your act" long before you get to asking the question. It ends up putting us in a less than receptive mood, the same way the people react to telemarketers or Amway reps. Be honest and up front with your needs and requests. The change will be refreshing to the performer and you just may end up with what you're looking for.