Ten Things Tuesday: Things to Do In the Extreme Heat

In case your part of the world is besieged with extreme heat and/or humidity I thought I'd share a few helpful tips to make the hot, sticky weather more bearable.

• Call up friends that live in even HOTTER places and listen to them bitch. If they're even one degree hotter than you are you'll feel better in no time.
• Medical experiments. Place a puppy, a kitten, and a baby inside a locked car and see who's head explodes first.
• Check in on your elderly neighbors and relatives. While there, ask them, "Are you warm enough now? Should I turn up the heat? You were freezing cold just fucking yesterday, when it was only 102!" (Repeat as needed until they fall and can't get up.)
• Get naked. That would be my answer for just about anything, but in this case it applies.
• Go to any rural locale. Then, at the top of your lungs, ask any farmer that comes up to you, "Hot enough for ya? Hot enough for ya? Hot enough for ya?"
• Everyone else tries to fry an egg on the sidewalk. You try to fry a whole chicken.
• More experiments. Recording temperature levels, see how hot is has to be before your balls sag down to your knees. Anything for science.
• Buy 10 cases of sun tan lotion. Ask EVERY good looking chick if she needs someone to put lotion on her back. You'll be surprised at how many take you up on it.
  
• While applying lotion to the aforementioned ladies, reach around and feel up their tits. Tell them you're dyslexic. Works every time when you tell this to blonde women.
  
• Keep some of that lotion for when the cops throw you in jail. It WILL come in very handy later on.