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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Ten Things Tuesday (Special Wednesday Edition) : Things Most Americans Do On July 5th

Giving all five of my fingers to the enemy.

  • Rummage through back yard shrubbery. Try to find your fingers.
  • Take the extra Vodka-filled watermelon to work and wait for the blackmail fodder.
  • Blame the lingering sulfur smell on the dog. If you don't have a dog, buy one.
  • With bottle rocket still lodged in your eye socket, sneak into work, and figure out how you can get workmen's compensation.
  • Rehearse this phrase, "No, I blew up my ass cheeks by trying to light a fart on fire. Not that other thing you were asking about." Say it with conviction and maybe someone will believe you.
  • Call in sick, then finish up keg of Old Style from the party.
  • Thank God you stocked up on Aloe Vera ointment a week ago, even though you told your wife you'd rather spend the money on a few extra bottles of Night Train.
  • Wish you'd removed disc of Jimi Hendrix playing the Star Spangled Banner at full volume before you hit "PLAY" on your CD player.
  • Call contractor. Get price quotes to replace neighbor's roof.
  • Spend the day telling your husband, "Aren't you glad I made you buy all that Aloe Vera ointment?"

6 Comments:

Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

How about the lingering alcohol smell?

1:55 AM

 
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

Andy, how did you KNOW?! That is exactly going to be what I do today!!!

Very funny post and I loved the HMO pic.

I hope you had a fun holiday!

5:45 AM

 
Blogger sue said...

Ah... I remember those days well... I'm much more "mature" these days.

5:58 AM

 
Blogger Bud said...

I actually saw a good deal of that building up yesterday.

9:01 AM

 
Anonymous Older, Wiser Brother said...

Do you remeber the neighbors letting our party rock on without issue UNTIL we put on Hendrix and the Star Spangled Banner? Hell, they were 1/4 mile away!

4:21 AM

 
Blogger Chance said...

Very funny as always.... #1 cracked me up the most.

11:15 PM

 

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