It's Like Andy Lite.
It's me, Kim! Andy chose me to be a guest blogger for him in his absence, I love guest blogging!
I like to step inside the head of the person I'm writing for, imagining that I am them speaking to their usual audience. I try to assume what nuances and emotions customarily settle upon the individual when they sit down to write a typical post and attempt to emulate them - to channel them if you will, only they don't have to be dead.
Being Andy vicariously is an adventure in itself, let me tell you! His abundant energy is almost a shock to the system, especially if you are an older female body. I acclimated as best I could and began to focus on the more subtle aspects of The Martello. For instance, I had the sudden urge to wear something, anything containing polyester fiber. After that, I set about lighting several candles, then dimmed the lights and put on a little mood music, you know, Frank. I struggled with the decision to drink wine or beer, settling on the sexy bottle of Pinot Noir I knew was stashed beneath the kitchen sink where the kids would never look, and I sat back, closed my eyes and let my hands calmly rest on my keyboard, admonishing myself when one or the other would errantly stray towards my lap, and then I began feeling what it's like to seduce readers, slowly, seductively, gently fondling their soft ...
Hey, whoa! What I mean is, guest blogging is a cool way to meet people.
In attempting to understand the true essence of being The Martello, I immediately put myself on a diet. I suck at dieting. I know I should probably be on one, someday, but I only half care. However, this duty to post for Andy made me face my responsibilities, so I hauled ass to the grocery store.
I am happy to report that I am currently trying the Stouffer's Macaroni & Beef Diet.
For the reason mentioned as well as:
* They were on sale 3 for 5 bucks.
* It has tomato-y goodness and I love the shit.
* I don't have to do dishes after I eat it.
Now, this may not be one of those hip and trendy Atkins or South Beach Diets that are all the rage right now, but it makes me feel like I'm commiserating with Andy in a more personal way as well as addressing the issue of my fat ass, and most importantly, it isn't all that painful.
Although this experience has been quite enjoyable for me, as well as tasty, I am duty bound to confess that although it is possible to imagine The Martello, there is only one who can actually be The Martello, and -
- oops, I gotta go, the microwave just dinged.
And we can all thank Andy for that.
Hope you're having a wonderful time Andy!