Conception, Development, Final Product.

It has been awhile since I did any sort of "inside look" into the creative nonsense that goes into pimping out my performer's ass. Since that kind of stuff has always been unusually interesting to both of my readers I thought I'd rectify that today.

This is the splash page from my main website. The artwork was expertly (and rather affordably) done by a friend of mine, John Adams. He did all the cool cartoon penguins found at my website and blog respectively. I'll admit that the guy on the iceberg doesn't really look like me, but I didn't ask for a caricature and I love the drawing very much. And for all the Science Nazis out there, I KNOW that penguins do not live in the North Pole. Playful inaccuracy is part of the charm of a cartoon you pencil-necks. Now go back to downloading naked photos of Angelina Jolie (and send them to me!) .



Regardless, John drew exactly what I asked him to draw and even though my site is in dire need of some heavy updating, I love the artwork just the same. Well, almost exactly. It didn't quite deliver the concept I had (see below), but it serves the purpose very well nonetheless. I'll likely have a gallery or something to remember the stuff once I get around to making the necessary updates.

This next image is the current cover of my press kit. I made this myself some years after the website was up and running. I'll likely be updating the press kit this year when I get some new photos taken. That's one thing I'm better at than in years past; I do get new photos and promo done a whole lot sooner than I used to. Sure I have just as many problems paying for it all, but I know it NEEDS to be done fairly regularly in order to keep working and therefore I find a way to make it happen.

In any event, I learned BARELY enough Photoshop skills to make this photo happen. I miss Photoshop. Wish I had it on my current machine, but I haven't the moolah right now (saving up for new photos and promo).

Yes, I'd much rather have an ACTUAL photo of me pretending to work in front of an audience of actual penguins, but really...what zoo or aquarium in their right mind is going to allow stupid old me access to the penguins? I'm not famous nor rich and I don't have my own TV show so there's no way I can scam nor pay my way into a photo like this fake one. I had to settle with one of my recent promo shots and a photo taken at what I think is the Memphis Zoo.

Both of these images represent a simple concept I had MANY years ago. It started with my desire to incorporate penguins into the website and promo. From there I developed the slogan, "You Provide the Audience, He'll Do the Rest!". I wanted people to know that I'll work anywhere for any audience, or at least imply that I have already worked a wide variety of venues for many different crowds. I thought a funny and memorable way to get that slogan's message across was to have a photo of me performing on an ice stage in front of an audience of penguins. At the time I was planning on having someone else do the digital trickery, but once again, I hadn't the funds nor the know-how. So the website splash page was the first realization of the dream and the pic I tricked was the second.

Ultimately I had to get the idea into the hands of the cartoonist, and others who could help make it happen. Describing it didn't do it justice and provided no decent results. So, with my then new and first computer (back in 1999 I think) I discovered MS Paint, a tool I use often today, but admittedly, mostly for comical effect.

Here is the TRUE original rendering of my stupid sales concept. I saved it for posterity and it actually makes me laugh to this day. I actually can't believe I've still got this file cluttering up my hard drive.

There's something about the juvenile look to this thing. This is what I created to send to both my cartoonist friend and my website designers. I know that splash pages are a bit out of date today, but at the time I wanted one and this was the awful drawing that sparked the entire thing.

Notice how oddly cute the penguins are and how relative ugly I look. I even took time to add shading and other useless details to the photo. However I didn't make nearly as many penguins as I wanted to because my hand was getting tired and I was unaware of the copy and paste functions. Bad self image. Good penguin images.