What Wine Goes with Porn?

It was most excellent getting to meet Bud Buckley & his wife, Cathy. They are such genuinely nice people and Bud is thankfully, the same funny and likeable guy in person as he is in his blog.

He and I have talked about how refreshing it is to meet people who are not putting on a persona for the sake of internet fun and we were both relieved that we were indeed who we appeared to be. Of course, since I generally appear to be an angry, depressed, suicidal cynic I shouldn't really be all that proud.

The three of us got to enjoy a great day at the Brookfield Zoo on Monday of this week. The weather was beautiful. The animals were playful and adorable. The fun we had was memorable. However the day before provided me with the main subject of today's post.

Scheduling conflicts made it difficult for me to meet with the Buckleys and friends for a show on Sunday. My good friend Jon Spiegel, musician & zither player for Blue Man Group here in Chicago, was kind enough to hook me up with free tickets to the show and I, in turn barely had the opportunity to look like a guy with "connections".

Afterwards I was able to finally meet for drinks, snacks, and fun at a swanky place called Jack's on Halsted. Very tasty food, high quality martinis, and ambiance oozing out of every door. It was there that I presented the Buckleys with an mp3 disc filled with Johnny Cash's American Recordings and a collectible Dr. Demento CD that featured a comedy sketch by yours truly. As it happened, Bud and Cathy had a present for me as well.

If you read the "About Me" section of this craptacular blog, you will learn just about all you need to know about me. "I like to drink martinis. I like penguins. I like to smoke cigars. I like naked women." Well, Cathy presented me with a gift bag that had most all of those bases covered.

Inside the bag was a bottle of gin accompanied by some green olives, two very nice cigars from a little shop in Florida, and a pack of playing cards featuring naked women.

In fact, these cards actually feature some of the women in the stable of performers at the famed Vivid Video adult film family. Had Cathy not prefaced the opening of the present with a little story, I'd have assumed that Bud bought the cards for me. I would have been wrong.

Cathy explained to me that after reading my blog she felt it necessary to provide me with many of the things on my "like list". Naked women being on the list meant that somehow I'd need to have some porn. After consulting her hairdresser as to what kind of porn would be appropriate and where would be the best place to procure said porn, she was on a mission! As they say, "Only her hairdresser knows for sure."

Apparently, this was Cathy's very first trip to a smut shop and boy-howdy was she impressed! She regaled us with many a tale of the toys on the walls, the videos playing in the background, and the many different types of porno playing cards available for purchase. I think the assortment of inflatable women and farm animals there was more than enough to keep her entertained, if not everyone at the table hearing these stories as Bud laughed away.

She told me that there were hard core cards, topless cards, full-on naked cards, cards with naked men - the list went on and on.

Cathy opted not to go for the hard core cards because that involved too much naked penis and "naked women" did not translate into "naked penis". I informed her that devotees of porn come to accept the naked penis as a necessary evil involved with enjoying all of the other things we watch the porn for. Good snack time conversation. She also chose not to go for the full-on naked women because some of the cards were too much like a gynecological examination to be enjoyed. Right about then the appetizers arrived.

She chose the topless girls of Vivid Video and I couldn't be happier.

I've been given many a fine gift from many a thoughtful person over the years. However, I cannot think of anything quite so oddly flattering as Cathy's willingness and need to provide me with such a personalized gift, a need that brought her to her very first porn shop. I bring out a lot of fascinating behavior among women and this is no exception. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it now. [sniff, sniff].

I think I'll enjoy the gift and play a little "solitaire".