Random Celebrity Memories! Vol. Five: Robert Altman

Director, Robert Altman, has been making some of the film world's most acclaimed and entertaining movies for well over 30 years. He also made "The Company", a rather forgettable and extremely slow-paced film about Chicago's very own Joffrey Ballet Company.

I know some folks that loved this film and if you are a lover of dance then perhaps this film is considerably better than the general populace suggested when they almost universally decided to drive far, FAR away from any theatre running the film. I didn't even go see this movie in the theatres and I was in the damned thing!

Well, I was an extra on this film and I was only in one scene. Maybe if I get the courage to rent the DVD again I'll post some screen shots so you can see me. I'm out of the frame in the pan & scan version. Full screen? BOOYAH!

My scene was kind of cool because I rarely do any sort of acting or extra work any more and I enjoyed spending the day on the set. It was also kind of entertaining because I was surrounded by "career extras", who are among the scariest and most lame of all performers. I mean, really, one lady wrote a book about being an extra and actually sells it to other fools while eating her free donuts and waiting for her big scene (There's a chapter about the Kraft Services Table. I shit you not!)

Some of these freaks tell grand stories about their scenes with Deniro and Nicholson and if you didn't know that their scenes usually involved being in the other room eating free donuts while Deniro and Nicholson were actually working, you'd think these people had something going in the biz. I held no such illusions. I, along with everyone else in the room know we were extras on a Robert Altman movie starring Neve Campbell. Extras are extras and there's rarely anything about the gig...unless you're me.

My big scene involved the one and only Malcolm McDowell and director, Robert Altman, was running the show. In the greatest moment of irony, NONE of the extras, all "real actors" and lovers of their craft, noticed or even recognized Malcolm McDowell. I, the non-actor, had to tell these people who he was. Afterwards, they all got squishy for McDowell.

I'd tell you my other Malcolm McDowell story, but that basically involves me deciding not to bother the man and just notice how much taller he was in person than I'd imagined.

The scene was set at a formal awards dinner and I was one of the attendees at the party. After shooting the short scene a few times Mr. Altman, or "Bob" as everyone was calling him, was extremely personable and fun to be around on set. He started taking notice of many of the extras and wanted to very quickly shoot some background footage to be cut into the main sequence. Angles of people watching the speech being given by McDowell and the like.

It was then when Mr. Altman began rearranging people in the room in order to take advantage of some of the faces and one of the faces he took a liking to was mine. He wanted a scene where my face would be in the foreground and that of an older gentleman would be in the back. We'd be listening and reacting to the speech and wondering if our shots would make the final cut.

While moving us around he singled me out and asked if I would mind moving from my table and heading on to a new destination better for filming this shot.

"No problem, Bob", I replied. A few laughs aside, the room became silent and all of the real actor extras nearly passed out from the shock. I just smirked.

Mr. Altman cocked his head and asked, "Did you just call me Bob?"

"Yes I did, Bob. That is your name."

Not missing a beat, Mr. Altman then asked, "And what should I call you?"

With a nod and a wink I explained, "You may call me Mr. Martello". There was a bit more laughter starting to rake over the room.

"Well, Mr. Martello, would you please take your mark?"

"Yes, sir, " I said, and I took my seat.

Afterwards I actually introduced myself to him. We shared a brief laugh and a moment where I let him know how much I've admired his work and his character over the years. When I thanked him for allowing me the opportunity to watch him work he simply said, "It was my pleasure, Mr. Martello," and he walked away.