Hell Gig Today
In the entertainment business there are fee things on Earth I hate doing more than making balloon animals.
The bookings are always too long and they rarely pay enough to justify the trouble. Kids & parents alike become wretched pains in my ass when balloon animals are involved. They're all rude and impatient and not deserving of the little treat and fleeting happiness that comes from receiving a damn balloon animal.
Early on, most of my gigs involved these things. It is a staple in the craptacular array of "never-gonna-be-famous" world of show business. I started phasing them out of the repertoire some years back. I wanted to do more actual comedy & juggling and genuine PERFORMING! Even a strolling gig as a juggler is not as much fun as a stage show, but it beats the living hell out of being a balloon twister at some spoiled brat picnic! I'm booked as both a juggler and a balloon twister, but really, once the first damned balloon is blown up, that's ALL I'll be doing from noon to four today.
You can tell things have been slow this year when you find out that I have taken a balloon twisting gig. Thankfully July & August are very busy for me and I'm very happy about that. Of course, I have this balloon gig today and I'm dreading it in every way. It has been so slow this year otherwise I've actually...GULP...humored the possibility of reminding all the agencies that I do balloons. I'm even looking into battery-operated balloon pumps.
Lord help me! I don't want to be one of those desperate and sad freaks in his 50's working a birthday party for gas money! I need an agent, a publicist, a manager, a move to L.A. or Vegas (NO New York for me!) and the money to afford all of these things. Oh well. It's only four hours out of my life.
6 Comments:
I didn't know you could be rude to a balloon guy. When I was a tiny kid, you had to ask nicely ... I even used to say, "Could you make me YOUR favorite one, please?" and say thank you, and you had to be very very careful with your balloon animal so it wouldn't pop before you got it home.
4:59 AM
My equivelent of your balloon gig is having to do Jimmy Buffett tunes.
6:15 AM
I suppose you have to expect the Buffett requests if you're a guitar player living in Florida.
GW, that must have been long before parents became iresponsible creators of selfish asshole children. Very little "please & thank you" kind of kids around the balloon guy these days.
7:45 AM
I always LOVED the baloon twisters. They were so cool, and they never dissapointed me when I asked, politely, for an animal.
7:55 AM
Yes, parents today don't bother to parent. I really get torqued when parents complain that they can't take a trip without video in the back seat for Junior Droolmeister and his sister Dumbellina to watch. WTF!? Can't little Johnny read, for chrissakes?
OK, enough ranting....
3:07 PM
Well Jade, if you get turned on by balloon twisters I'd love to cork you! ;)
Gee, I'd all but forgotten what it was like to have a woman get turned on by my antics. Anyway, here are some Funky Llama Wine links. I've tried a few but the only one I really enjoyed was the Malbec.
Link 1
Link 2
I certainly see the advantage to the video for the kids, but I don't see the necessity of it. I am not much of a reader, but yes, books are pretty easy to carry and can eat up a lot of trip miles. PLUS, there's also conversation and scenery. What a concept!
Broomhilda, if you ever asked, politely or otherwise, I'd make you a balloon animal. :)
3:55 PM
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