Oh Yeah! I Got Tagged By Jessika!

I've been wanting to say that for some time now. Well, I've wanted to say that I tagged her, but that's just somantics, really.

Jessika has tagged me with some sort of MEME that may or may not involve nudity. Trust me, if I have to get naked to answer this one I'll simply avert your eyes for you by sending you to some much hotter website. Nobody wants to see THAT!

This MEME is pretty long so I'll try to be brief. I will, of course answer them in my usual Andy tone and do what I can to send them along to people I am certain will never answer in return. Tat's just how it goes with me, folks. That also means, no spell-checker so forgive the typos.

• Three names you go by (that won't give away your identity): Everyone knows my identity already, but if I have to make up something...Dirk, Hammerpants, and "Your Lord & Master"
• Three screen names you've had: Asmoker, The Plate Spinner, Ajuggler
• Three physical things you like about yourself: My eyes (wait that's TWO things already. Man I can mention the next one then), my shoulders, my hair
• Three physical things you don't like about yourself: Just about everything else.
• Three parts of your heritage: I'm an Uh-Merican, DAMMIT! OK, Italian, German, and very little Welsh & Cherokee Indian
• Three things you are wearing right now: I'm wearing a Speedo with a design that reads, "Ass, gas, or grass - NOBODY rides for free", a white lab coat, and a whole lotta sexy!
• Three favorite bands / musical artists: Joe Walsh, Johnny Cash, Me First & The Gimme Gimmes
• Three favorite songs: "Life's Been Good", "Louie Louie", "That'll Do (Babe II Soundtrack)"
• Three things you want in a relationship: I want to be able to finish my sentences, I would like to have sex on my time schedule better than 70% of the time, and I'd like someone smart enough to make me think, funny enough to make me laugh, and attractive enough to not care if any of the other stuff happens.
• Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeals to you: TALL WOMEN! I like tall women. Women in glasses are HOT! Brunette hair is preferred...well, red hair is preferred, but they don't really exist...neither do blondes...they're all fake...OK I like a woman with hair, that is breathing, and at least one HOT part. Doesn't matter which. If it happens to be a fine pair of breasts, I'm not complaining. GREAT LEGS ROCK! I'd follow around a gal with a nice ass all damn day. What was the question?
• Three of your favorite hobbies: Right now, my profession(s) are most like hobbies, but I like to ride my bike, go to zoos, and do the cigars & martinis thing.
• Three things you want to do really badly right now: It involves a woman who matches the above-listed criteria. OK, it really involves about 3 women matching those criteria...and a camera...and lots of Gatorade. Since that is really a given with me...I'd give anything for The Vegas Brothers to take off, I'd like to publish a book, and I'd like to get on the David Letterman Show.
• Three things that scare you: Bathrooms, pain, tomorrow
• Three of your everyday essentials: Blog time, a hot shower, a trip to The Groundhog Mall (You have no idea how close I came to using the old line, "Tight pussy, loose shoes, & a warm place to shit" as my official answer! I'm beyond that childish nonsense.)
• Three careers you have considered / are considering: Writer, body piercer, talk show host
• Three places you want to go on vacation: England, Austrailia, and a trip back to Negril, Jamaica would be GREAT!
• Three kids' names you like: I don't like kids. Naming them won't change anything.
• Three things you want to do before you die: I want SOMETHING I've started to end with success. That's really about it. Back to the Letterman Show I guess. I'd like to see the Grand Canyon or the Cubs win a World Series. Wait! You said BEFORE I die? Scratch the Cubs thing.
• Three ways you are stereotypically a boy: I liked baseball and collected baseball cards, I have a penis (That should really count, right? If not, I love cigars.), I can't get enough naked, semi-naked, clothed, or overly dressed women. In any form, I'm all about checking out the ladies. Porn, Cal's Jr. commercials, beauty pagaents, you name it, if there's a woman for me to admire (covet) I'm so THERE!
• Three ways you are stereotypically a girl: I find myself to be a fun, nice guy to be around, but I wouldn't want to sleep with me. I have long hair. I think I'm overweight (of course in my case, I actually am, whereas most women/girls actually are not overweight).
• Three celeb crushes: Angelina Jolie, damn near any female that has appeared in Buffy, Angel, Firefly - any Joss Whedon show, Sela Ward. That woman will never stop being hot.
• Three people to send this MEME to: Gunstar (He tagged me a few times and I never answered, so why not return the favor?), The Yeti (He must have better things to do than this!), Uber Bitch Naomi (I'm quite sure she doesn't read me anymore. She's too busy posting smutty photos of herself on her blog to notice me.)