MMMmmm, Stehouwer Beef Sizzlers!

My life was made that much better the other day when we went to the grand opening of the new Meijer store.

Bear in mind that I do not make any money for blogging and I am not a shill for any one company. If I tout the virtues of something here it is because it is damn good and you should know about it. I receive no freebies for endorsing a product, but I sure would not turn any away, especially if a big old box from Stehouwer's Frozen Foods came in as a result of this post. I'm not holding my breath though.

A long time ago, my dad introduced me to the unparalleled taste and inspired genius of the culinary treat, the Stehouwer Beef Sizzler.

For those unfamiliar with this masterpiece, the Beef Sizzler is made by the Stehouwer's Frozen Foods company, of Grand Rapids, Michigan. The product is simple and original; a seasoned beef patty wrapped in thin slices of ribeye steak. That's a tasty hamburger, wrapped in steak for God's sake! Meat, surrounded by better meat!

Few things are better in form, structure, and most importantly, flavor than the Beef Sizzler! You keep them frozen until you're ready to use them. Then, you fry them for a couple of minutes on each side in a pan and -BOOM!- The best damned burger you ever found in a freezer section.

I know that this very post may be enough to frighten off some people, like my new friend (and recent addition to my link list) Mrs. Mogul, who is "mostly vegan" according to her blog. However, anyone who knows me, knows I am a big fan of great food in any form. Anyone remember my story about the Booby's steak sandwich? I run the risk of chasing away a few folks by talking about things like steak, with a tasty beef center. I accept the responsibility and hope for the best.

Anyway, my dad got me hooked on these delicious treats. They are juicy, flavorful, and much better than any of the prepackaged burgers or processed meat products that are out there. These are in a class by themselves! I used to be able to get them most anywhere in the Chicago area. At one point they were much more expensive than they are now and since they don't come in huge packs of 20 or anything like that and they became increasingly hard to find.

I tried asking grocer's to carry them, place special orders, anything to get them at one of the stores I frequented. Most folks either wouldn't place the order or pretended that they weren't made anymore, because they couldn't find them in their vendor listings and such. The worst, was when I'd describe the delicacy to them as well as give them the name of the manufacturer, and the IDIOT grocer would say, "Do you mean Steakums?"

NO, I DO NOT MEAN FUCKING "STEAKUMS", AND DON'T TRY TO GIVE ME ANY OF THOSE GOD-AWFUL "SIZZLE-STEAKS" EITHER, YOU FUCKWAD! STEAKUMS ARE LITTLE MORE THAN A BEEF-FLAVORED FRUIT ROLL-UP. DID I ASK FOR A CRAPPY NON-FOOD PRODUCT? NO! I ASKED FOR A DELECTABLE TASTE SENSATION THAT WOULD MAKE ANY MEAT-LOVER GET ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES & THANK THE LORD ABOVE FOR SUCH A BLESSING!

Gee, do you think I may have ruined my chances at getting a gig as a food critic for a major newspaper?

In any event, Meijer, a store prevalent in the eastern states and just now making waves here, has these fantastic little morsels of beefy goodness and I've been eating them almost at every meal for three days. Prior to the other day, I hadn't eaten one in well over 10 years (maybe much longer). I plan on buying at least one pack a week just so the guy who does the ordering doesn't think they should go away!

Do yourself a favor (those of you that are still carnivores) and buy some Stehouwer's Beef Sizzlers. You won't be disappointed!