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Monday, March 07, 2005

Why Didn't The Beatles Write a Song Called "I'm So Tense"?

I'd reprint those lyrics this time.

This has been one bitch of a day. I was reminded of Jessica's Roller Coaster post. Up, down, happy, sad, confused, clear-headed, pleasant surprises, horrible surprises, frustrated, calm, frustrated some more, frustrated again, FUCKING FRUSTRATED!

What can I say? My shit-storms are never little piles of crap dropping from the sky every once in awhile. They're more often than not, Ex-Lax-powered, vicious bursts of splatting foul all falling down upon me in one period of a few consecutive weeks.

I can't even get into it all here. Many of the people going out of their way to (knowingly or unknowingly) to get me all worked up read this blog.

I'm one giant ball of angst, frustration, and tension. I doubt that even an early Steak & BJ Day could clear my head at this point. Not that one would happen anyways. FRUSTRATING!

Really, after a non-stop day filled with heaping doses of the agony and the ecstasy (easy on the ecstasy) about all that could come close to getting it all out would be about six shots of Yukon Jack (MMMmmm...Yukon Jack!), a bar fight at a biker bar (complete with broken pool cues and Thorogood music), and a long night at a whore house with enough cash for me to burn through all the ladies Andy Kaufman style.

Even then I doubt I'd be any less T-E-N-S-E! It would just be fun to find out.

At least one line from the last Beatles song I posted about applies.

"I'd give you everything I've got for a little
peace of mind!"


Blogger Bud said...

Andy, don't worry. After the shit storm, there will be a piss storm and wash it all away. And before long the TidyBowl of good luck will make everything bright and shiney again.

4:23 AM

Blogger Jessica Hart said...

Aww, my handsome blog buddy is feeling yucky. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so tense. I understand that feeling more than ever lately.

I don't mean to sound like your mom, but exercise really helps work that out, gets the endorphins flowing. How about a long walk? Have you ever tried yoga? And, why not treat yourself to a massage? or trade with your wife? There is nothing better than human touch/intimacy to sooth freyed nerves. I'd hug you really tight if I could....

4:45 AM

Blogger Jessica Hart said...

Oh, when you have time would you please teach me how to make links the way you do? I mean the title rather than the whole link. (I have the feeling you could teach me lotsa tricks)

4:48 AM

Blogger Andy Land said...

Thanks, Bud. I know it will all work out eventually. I've been through so many of these mass crap fests before I naievely thought that maybe I was getting a reprieve from them for a few years.

Jessica, if you were here I'd surely let you hug me all you wanted. I'd probably hug right back. Hell, I'd hug the ever-living hell outta you! But thanks for the advice.

Never been much of a workout guy and will likely not be starting any time soon. If it were warmer I'd be riding my bike or walking. Don't like to do either of those things at a gym.

Treadmills and stationary bikes just aren't any fun. You don't go anywhere. I can go nowhere just by living another 40 years!

Like the idea of yoga but have such a burning hatred of that scary skeletal woman in blue tights who dominated PBS for so many years I can't humor the prospect. Besides, if I started yoga I'd have to drink coffee at Starbucks, buy a minivan, and move to a much safer suburb or something. I'm sure I'd be required to watch Oprah too. UGH!

But feel free to mother me all you want. Just understand that since my actual mother is stiull around you would have to take on the more deviant sexual "mother" role. LOL!

9:53 AM

Blogger Jessica Hart said...

Oooh, I'd be perfect for that role...

10:45 AM

Blogger Andy Land said...

I kinda figured. ;)

You've got mail, by the way. Info on HTML codes and such.

10:49 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...



10:51 AM

Blogger Andy Land said...

Cool! With everything else I have to endure I also get blog-SPAM!

However, since I like the title of the blog I'll leave the SAPM right there and check them out. If they have no links section then they're dead to me.

10:56 AM

Blogger homercat said...

Hmmmmm, Yukon Jack. A tasty beverage to be sure but I have tostay away from it, it makes me break out in hives for some reason.

12:00 PM

Blogger Jessica Hart said...

Thank you for teaching me that link trick Professor Martello. I managed to figure it out from your clear description.


1:40 PM

Blogger Andy Land said...

No problem, Jessica. Glad I could help. Next time I see your blog and notice that it is even prettier I'll raise my head up high...and then go straight to the naughty pictures. Sorry, but I'm a big dumb male!

Lovedonnaz, my friend and fellow comedian Mike Preston (Shecky Vegas) has a great line about being alergic to alcohol. "I found out I'm allergic to alcohol. Yeah, it turns out it makes me...drunk!"

2:53 PM

Anonymous Kim said...

You know what, you need a good romp in the hay! Seriously, when I'm tense and feeling down that is the one sure way to get me feeling good again!

4:21 PM

Blogger Andy Land said...

That's just what I've been saying for months, maybe even years, Kim. LOL!

Nobody around here likes me when I am depressed, tense, angry, etc. Strangely nobody seems to like my solutions to the problems at hand either.

5:32 PM


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