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Thursday, March 31, 2005

If Shel Silverstien Was Not A Genius

I was getting ready for my Vegas Brothers gig when this poem coarsed through my head. All I can say is the muse speaks to me in mysterious ways. I apologize in advance.

"The One That Got Away"
aka, "If Shel Silverstein Was NOT a Genius"
By Andy Martello

When I came home the other day
My wife had too much cabernet
She offered me an oral lay
An act not seen since wedding day!
Without hesitation I said, “OK!”
And thought, “Is there a blue moon today?”

Her mouth on me did have her way
Slowly keeping my thrust at bay
“I wish to cum, I wish I may,”
I said to her, but she said, “NAY”
At least I think that’s what she did say
So hard to tell with my cock in the way

Suddenly to my dismay
Something else came into play
Oh why just then did this urge stay
Deep within my bodily fray?
A normal part of my every day
Rather unwelcome I dare say

I’m not sure how I should convey
The urge disrupting this soiree
A sound within, a gurgling bray
I should not have dined at that cafe
If this need saw the light of day
For sure there’d be some hell to pay

But soon the need did so outweigh
My passionate carnal desire to spray
“Do NOT Release!” I must obey
Unspoken rules of this tête-à-tête
My insides churn and grind away
DAMN that awful cheese soufflé!

I yearned to find some other way
To enjoy this oral power play
Per haps I could push her away
I’d have to finish some other day
I’d jerk & tug. To use a cliché,
I'd be stuck with the old “squeeze play”

My thoughts of exit were led astray
When pressure within won the day
Try as I might I did betray
My wife & the rules in every way
When from behind came a sonorous display
Accompanied by a most dreadful bouquet

I need not mention she ran away
She threw belongings in her attaché
And drove off in a Chevrolet
Away from me she’s chosen to stay
At some hotel near Thunder Bay
No doubt banging the young valet

So heed my warning on this day
If while enjoying an oral lay
You find yourself in a gaseous way
From eating that Peanut Buster Parfait
You’ll find your life in disarray
If just one fart does get away!


Blogger Bud said...

I must now say
That's a most impressive display
Of things that rhyme with lay
And this is the day
I first saw a poem about a BJ
Not in a limerick, Hurray, Hurray!

3:26 AM

Blogger Andy Land said...

I had myself a feeling that Bud would appreciate this most of all. ;)

Hadn't thought about it not being a limerick. I was just more impressed by the fact that there may only be this one poem in all of the world about farting while getting head. I must be a genius!

OK...enough of that kind of talk.


7:41 AM

Blogger golfwidow said...

Git outa my head, Bud - I was just coming in here to say that that was the first poem I ever read about that particular act that didn't contain the word "Nantucket."

8:56 AM

Blogger Jade said...

You made me spew my coffee all over my keyboard!

10:09 AM

Blogger Andy Land said...

There must be some sort of dubious distinction in knowing that this may in fact be the only poem of this exact subject matter AND not being a limerick.

Of course, I'm going to Hell just for typing it out, but hey...I already had a time share in Hell anyway.

8:34 PM

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