Thanksgiving Memories. Germans on a Bus, Edie McClurg, Swearing, & Seka.

This was something of an unusual Thanksgiving for me. I had a booking during the day. Being booked on Thanksgiving is not unheard of altogether. It is just not common. This gig was even stranger.

My partner Jim Bina and I, dressed as gangsters, were to be picked up at the corner of Belmont & Kedzie in Chicago, by a tour bus filled with German travel agents and business V.I.P.s. These folks were fresh off the plane from O'Hare and barely spoke any English so our little gangster's comedy tour of Chicago wasn't nearly as funny as it should have been.

We were originally told the bus would be filled with 30+ German women. We were lied to, presumably to get us to do the gig. Ah well, money is money.

Thinking about today's little escapade before my feast, I though of a few other Thanksgiving oddities from my past.

When I was about 18 or so I was dating a very tall and pretty girl from my small home town. This girl's mother was a nice lady, but a little overbearing with regard to being a church-going person. She absolutely hated any use of foul language regardless of the context in which it was used. "Fuck" just wasn't allowed, nor was it funny to say.

On Thanksgiving, my girlfriend and I had decided to rent "Planes, Trains, & Automobiles", arguably the PERFECT Thanksgiving movie. We'd gotten her dad to come in and enjoy the film with us. Her mom said she'd catch up later. We were all having a GREAT time watching this movie.

Now this is one funny damn film and very suitable for the entire family. There is really only ONE scene that is even the slightest bit objectionable. If you've seen the film you know that there is one scene where Steve Martin, after being sent on a wild goose chase for a rental car, accosts the rental car clerk, played by Edie McClurg. This scene, while quite hysterical, does use the words "fuck" and "fucking" about 20 times in only 3 or 4 minutes.

It is the ONLY time in the film where any bad language is used and it is so shockingly appropriate there's no way that anyone can resist from laughing...unless you're this girl's mother...who came in just as that scene began!

Naturally she heard ONLY the swearing and having missed the entire film of to that point she'd no concept of the context. She simply huffed and exclaimed a very parental, "Oh, NICE movie!" and then stormed out of the room. The dad was whipped into submission with this one sentence and had no choice but to leave the room and not watch the end of the film. We were expected to stop watching the film and return it immediately. A total buzz-kill.

One last little Thanksgiving memory for you: Not too long ago I was friends with a female comedian who was friends with adult film legend, Seka. I've never met Seka, but I've been told we were in the same room on a few occasions. It is so hard to get to meet everyone when you're shooting a Roman orgy scene ya know. Anyway...

Earlier that year, while in St. Louis, some comedian friends of mine were telling me about their little boy's club known as The Lumbermen. This was a group of guys, comedians mostly, dedicated to porn, strippers, and beer. Nice gents! They mentioned that their annual dinner was coming up and they'd always wanted to book a porn actress to come out and chat with the boys. I mentioned that I knew someone that knew Seka and they demanded I try and get the contact info together. Before too long I'd gotten this porn legend a paying gig in St. Louis and she didn't even have to take off her clothes!

I spent that Thanksgiving up in northern Wisconsin with family, but had to return home for a gig the next day. My car ran into some mechanical problems so I stopped off in Madison to switch cars with my mother. I checked my phone messages before heading out again and was surprised to listen to the best Thanksgiving dinner invitation ever!

Yes, indeed I'd been invited to Seka's home for a traditional thanksgiving dinner as a thank you for referring her to my friends in St. Louis. The message on my machine was hot and steamy, left in perfect porn star voice. "Hi Andy. It's SEKA. I'd love to invite you over tonight for a little something to eat this Thanksgiving." It went on to leave a number and a few more details. I knew that it was just dinner where a few friends would also be in attendance, but I found it to be hysterical. I kept it saved on my voice mail for months.

I'd often wondered what if I hadn't been up in Wisconsin that day and had already enjoyed a Thanksgiving meal. Naturally I had thoughts about shagging an aging porn actress and I had my letter to Penthouse all planned out in my head. But it was not meant to be. It would have been interesting no matter what.

If it certainly WAS more than a simple invite to dinner the best I could assume at the time was, "Well, even if the bird is a bit old, I'm sure the stuffing would still be moist."