Since I Have So Little Left to Live For...

Can the few of you who stick around for longer than 5 seconds head over to The Cheers and click the living shit out of the link for my Sex Blogs Article? It would be the only article they've ever had to be read over 10,000 times. After that minor success I can pack my bags with memories and fling them, along with myself, into the Chicago River.

I can float comfortably in slumber to a water reclamation plant and be thoroughly cleansed. By the time my clean soul and all those memories are sent back into the general population for drinking, showering, and the all-important suburban lawn-watering, you'll wonder why there are no more entries from me at this blog or at any of the mildly unknown web publications I frequent.

Of course, since many of you will likely ingest me via tap water, you will unknowingly become smarter, funnier, and more cynical. You will also experience an unusual fascination with penguns and you'll be able to juggle. Only a mere few will be able to eat fire. Sorry I can't spread that to all. Insurance liability, don't ya know.